Word of the Year: Purpose

December 13, 2016 Leave a Comment

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I spent too large a portion of 2016 absolutely hating my job – large Broker Dealer bank world will do that to you – shout out to Merrill Lynch for being a complete sh*t hole! Then I spent an even larger portion finding a company that does Finance right, learning all the ins-and-outs, finding my groove, and am finally at the point where I love what I do 45+ hours a week. YAY ME!

I also spent a good portion of the year becoming a real “health” expert. Whatever that might mean to you. I’m a certified health coach thanks to IIN and on top of that I’ve taken course after course about eating to heal various disorders, eating to lose weight, eating to gain weight, eating to compete in figure related competitions, eating to fix imbalances in the body and ultimately, eating to be our own best selves – it certainly looks different for everyone and it’s been an amazingly fulfilling learning experience. I’ve even been fortunate enough to coach some amazing people and watch them transform. Pretty amazing stuff. YAY ME!

One thing down and the rest of my life to go.

Somewhere along the way I realized that although I absolutely love what I do – both full time and part time for work, I don’t have something I’m doing on a regular basis that would feel my soul.

I love helping people organize their financial lives and I love helping people solve their health and life problems in general. And although it is ABSOLUTELY a form of soul food to help others, it is entirely a practice dependent on having others to help. I felt for a while like the gaping hole was growing bigger because I was doing nothing that depended on me and only me and helped me to feeeeeeeeel goooooood!

Even though I’m a health coach, I’m not a big fan of working out. I loathe the gym. I’ve worked with personal trainers, some of which charged way too much for standing around at the gym and watching me jump rope while they texted, I’ve taken classes, I’ve done the whole gym shebang… and it’s just not fun for me. I just can’t spend the few free hours in a week doing something I absolutely detest.

Finance is not really something I can do in my free time. I definitely help others around me organize their finances and coach and teach them elements of finance every chance I get… until they’re likely more tired of hearing it than I am of saying it. But, as I mentioned, it’s hard to make a pass time out of this.

At some point I realized that a life filled with wonderful work that I love is not quite enough to satisfy my heart. Here came the thinking part; a list of things I enjoy, things I’m good at, and what I love:

  • Helping others
  • Reading
  • Buddhism
  • Yoga
  • Dancing
  • Being silly and childish
    • (Think swinging on the swing set at a playground and you’ll get the right idea)

I haven’t FULLY figured out what this means for my next year. BUT I’ve taken up Zumba classes on a regular basis and I’m doing Buti Yoga ( a form of Yoga that incorporates tribal dance, letting go of negative energy, and obviously.. yoga ).. I actually signed up to become a 200 hr RYT certified instructor in Buti Yoga, Vinyasa, and Bikram (hot) Yoga. I imagine I’m somewhere on the right track to feeding my soul.

A friend introduced me to this concept of doing a word of the year instead of a resolution so I chose the word “PURPOSE” for 2017. It seems to fit well with all the things I’ve managed to do this year to set myself up for a good next year, as well as all the things I’ve signed up for as we kick off the next year.

I’d love to hear what your word might be!

 

 

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What Are You Willing to Suffer For?

December 4, 2016 Leave a Comment

This question was asked in an interesting book I’m almost done reading and it got me thinking about all my past “efforts” that didn’t quite pan out the way I initially thought they would.

And the simple truth was that they weren’t significant enough to my life for me to suffer for them.

If you think about your past relationships, there were probably ones that you seemingly fought hard for, and others you walked away from. There were probably those that you felt absolutely tortured by but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave. Perhaps it was the quantity of time that you had already put in, or perhaps (like I have often done), you held on to the memories of good times that were long gone.

It’s interesting what we are willing to suffer for. If you think about the torture you probably endured in college, and then maybe in grad school, you’d be shocked to know how many people still stick around at jobs they hate after-the-fact. We suffer through decades of schooling to suffer through even more decades of awful work-life. And somehow, this isn’t considering insanity.

When it comes to our self-care we often neglect ourselves and then complain about the consequences of that neglect. Often, we’re simply stunned and amazed by the people who put hours upon hours of effort into their bodies at the gym – the truth is that they are willing to suffer for it, and we are not.

I’ve coached hundreds of people over the last few years and most have tried several different ‘diet’ programs, but most went back to their old habits. Why? Because they were only willing to suffer for a short time. Lifestyle changes take a prolonged amount of suffering before they become enjoyable and let’s be honest – eating cupcakes is easier and more enjoyable than doing burpees and eating kale.

Not that this is accurate or representative of anything large-scale study in particular but I polled some Facebook friends and some ladies in a group and asked what they did for themselves in the last year that made them the happiest. Most answers were like “finished college” “got a new job” “had a baby” “got certified in ____”. All of these things include suffering. In some way or form. But here’s the thing, it’s often the things we suffer for most that become the highlights of our lives. They become the shining stars and benchmarks against which all future efforts are measured. They often bring us into growth and change our lives in ways we could have hardly imagine when we started.

So next time, when someone asks “what do you want…”.. the real question should be “What are you willing to suffer for?”

Good question to ask while you ponder your New Year’s Resolutions for 2017!

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Complacency is Death

August 13, 2016 Leave a Comment

This morning one of my close friends told me that she can’t open up her store in SoHo this morning because the “Body Acceptance Movement” is protesting outside her business.

Okay, before this becomes a rant on everything that’s wrong with “BAM”, I have to say that I believe that all people should love their bodies at every size. I believe, more specifically, all women should love themselves so much that it doesn’t matter what size they are.

That being said.. BAM.. which is essentially the Fat Acceptance Movement.. angers me like very few other things in this world. The fact that my friend is losing income and her beautiful clothes can’t be sold today because 20 morbidly obese people are SITTING outside her business, is unacceptable.

I make a living helping people. As a Financial Planner, I help them improve their money situations – I have helped people get out of debt, buy homes, grow their assets, send their kids to college, and even retire comfortably. As a Health Coach, I help people improve their health – I have helped diabetics minimize the effects diabetes has on their lives, helped countless people lose weight, helped people with eating disorders to gain weight in healthy ways, and helped people live better lives with Crohns, MS, and a wide variety of other illnesses with terrible symptoms.

All of the people I have helped have had one thing in common: they all want to improve their current situations.

I don’t understand people who get to a place in their life where not only do they give up on themselves, but they’re encouraging everyone to give up on them too.

My weight has fluctuated my whole adult life, I bounce around somewhere between a size 2 and a size 8 based on how I feed my body and whether or not I’m on a health kick. It’s been pretty stable the last 2.5 years since I found a lifestyle that works for me. I have loved myself at a size 2, and I have loved myself at a size 8. But I loved myself enough to get healthy and always try to make it better. If i wake up tired for a few days straight, I must be lacking something, I must not be getting enough Vitamin B in my diet, or I need to get to sleep sooner. SOMETHING. Something has to improve and I need to change something in my life. That’s the thinking process that I go through. When I’m at a size 8, I also get not-so-subtle nudges from my family members that I need to stop eating pasta and start eating kale.

But the Body Acceptance Movement is a different beast. It says that not only should we stop improving ourselves, it suggests that the people in our lives should also stop trying to help us improve. When you stop loving yourself, the ONE thing you should want is for everyone in your life to love you SO much that they don’t let you continue hurting yourself. Obesity is painful. It is painful to live in a world where everyone judges you, judges everything you put in your mouth, judges what you dress, judges how much space you take up. Obesity is MORE painful on the inside. Obesity makes people immobile. Obesity makes it hard to sleep, hard to move, hard to eat, hard to LIVE. If you are Obese, I honestly hope you have people in your life who love you so much that they help you get healthier. If you give up on yourself, that’s the moment you stop loving yourself. And by asking your family and those around you to “accept you” or rather give up on you, you are asking them to stop loving you too.

I believe that loving yourself at every size stems from loving yourself to better health. Size aside, there is clearly nothing healthy about being obese. All studies indicate that despite all possible issues, diseases, and illness – thyroid, diabetes, MS, etc., you can still control what you put in your body and how you treat it and that you can absolutely lose weight. Studies also show that because of obesity, we will literally be the first generation to not outlive our parents. Your “Body Acceptance” may literally kill you.

So this is essentially a plea. Please stop being complacent in your situation. Instead of asking your loved ones to accept you. Ask your loved ones to support you, help you, and love you so much that they force you to make better decisions, and help you improve your health. Ask them to be your accountability partners. Or ask a stranger or a co-worker or anyone you think will actually keep you honest.

I realize this is easier said than done but: Love yourself more than any challenge that presents itself in your life.

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Not an Excuse

November 27, 2013 Leave a Comment

The food chain is a vicious concept. From the beginning of man we’ve always had this hierarchy – someone is better than someone else andddd the rich white man sits at the top of everything. I’m here to make the argument that the food chain – although relevant in your day to day life is no longer an excuse for being a failure. I had an argument recently with a girl I went to junior high with who told me she knew she’d never get anywhere because she’s black so she’s just going to accept the way things are and try to milk the system. No marriage + more babies + no job = more “free” government money.

I was a sociology minor in college and although you can talk about how the  the welfare system, section 8 housing, food stamps, and the ghetto are designed to keep the poor where they are – it’s not an excuse not to TRY to not be there. The issue is that this disgusting philosophy – of I’m black/spanish/a red neck/poor so I’m going to sit on my ass and let the government support me – keeps getting passed down by parents to their children. I’ve heard of children being told “even if you can go to college, don’t, because you’re black, you’ll just inherit my apartment and be fine”. How do you look yourself in the mirror KNOWING you didn’t try to take every opportunity? How do you live with yourself KNOWING that thousands (if not millions) of people in the generations before you DIED for you to have your RIGHT to go and sit in a classroom with people of every culture and gender and you don’t bother to use it? PEOPLE DIED so you can have the ability to do more than they did, and YOU are a pathetic excuse for a human being who is doing NOTHING. Nothing except unfortunately reproducing, and as my good friend D.D. points out- we can’t punish the children because their parents are ridiculous.

This applies to so many things. As a woman over the age of 18 – if you don’t vote – I suddenly lose 50% of the respect I had for you. Women FOUGHT and DIED so you can go and vote and you don’t? Don’t you realize it’s privilege? That there are SO MANY countries in the world where women are NOTHING. And you’re ‘too lazy’ or ‘too busy’ to read a few articles and go vote? It’s so disappointing and frustrating. Lucy Stone and Susan B. Anthony are rolling in their graves.

People in the US are always bragging about all these rights and freedoms that we have. “The greatest country in the world”. We look down on every other country across the world because we have more rights, because our women can vote (finally) and we’re not racist (supposedly). Yet, in 2012 only 57% of those eligible to vote bothered to show up and pick the President. The leader of the country. The man who can decided to mandate every young man put their life on the line and go fight – because he said so. Only 57% of us showed up to vote. Furthermore only 66% of women. That’s better than Men, but it’s not enough. It’s not enough when people fought for decades and when there are people around the world still fighting.

We can have all the rights in the world but what good are they if you don’t bother to use them?

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Fashion Dont’s

September 14, 2012 2 Comments

I’m sure this has all been said before, but it’s still out there & I still see it Every.Single.Day. so this will be my one and only fashion post because it really needs to be said again. I’m only covering the basics here so please your common sense and your mirrors. This post is also superficial as all hell. Don’t judge me.. even though I judge all of you.

Women:

DON’T ‘rock’ the muffin top. No really. There’s nothing and I mean NOTHING in this world that is less sexy then a muffin top. If you have love handles – which can be very sexy when used appropriately – buy some high rise jeans.

I literally just threw up in my mouth looking at this. The actual kind of literally – not the way Joe Biden uses it.

DON’T wear jeans (or any pants) that you can’t climb out of.. and can barely climb in to. Seriously, if getting your pants on in the morning has become a mission and you’re considering hiring an assistant just to help you. Please consider the possibility that you MAY be a different size.. or learn to eat less muffins. You’ll regret it later when your zipper breaks in the middle of the day and your neon pink rugrats undies are out there for the world to see. Tiny jeans also contribute to the muffin top look. Please see above if you’re confused.

 

DON’T wear tops that don’t close properly. I think this is pretty self explanatory, but if you’re a 36DD bra size, then you are absolutely NOT a size X-small – no matter how tiny the rest of you is. (Regretting those boobie implants yet?)

 

DON’T leave your house in whatever you woke up in… unless you’re going outside to throw out the trash. Seriously girls – a woman can never be over-dressed. But she can ABSOLUTELY and TOTALLY be under dressed. I used to go to school wearing sweats – I wish someone would have smacked me back then. Pajamas, sport shorts, sweat pants (Juicy suits are no longer in) and other variations of home apparel are to be worn at HOME. You should look good, feel good, and attract attention for all the right reasons no matter where you go. Put a little effort in – you never know who you’re going to run into. If he happens to be a sexy, single, and totally fuckable man.. you’ll probably wish you took the time to climb out of your minnie mouse t-shirt.

 

Men:

DON’T wear a poorly fitted suit. Get it tailored or just don’t bother. The only thing less classy then a man without a suit? A man with a poorly fitted suit.

DON’T wear sandals. and ESPECIALLY DON’T wear sandals and socks. The only time you are allowed to display your feet is at the beach in BEACH flip flops. Period and end of story. No excuses.

DON’T wear Uggs. There’s no explanation necessary for this one.

 

DON’T wear tank tops. ESPECIALLY if you don’t have the muscles to pull it off. A tank top basically says “I think I have super awesome biceps, triceps, abs, shoulders and back muscle” If you don’t have ALL OF THE ABOVE.. please stick to shirts with sleeves.

The exception to this rule is if you look like this:

 

 

I’m going to end this post with the picture above. Eye candy is always appealing.

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