OK so let me tell you about the magic that is facebook that SOMEHOW guys are completely clueless about.

See the thing is that you can log out of your own facebook and log into someone elses. GIRLS DO THIS ALL THE TIME. Especially the psycho ones. So you know that girl you dated that messaged you 15,000 times a day and then you would “coincidentally” run into her at the dry cleaners which is 9 miles from her house? Yea, if you ever lived in Brooklyn and you’re a guy.. chances are you dated one of these psychos. Oh.. you thought she liked giving you head.. no she just wanted to smell your penis to make sure you weren’t cheating. Girls be CRAY CRAY!

Now, see Facebook made stalking the lives of your significant other/sugar daddy/friends-with-benefits/cute guy at the local store.. significantly easier. You can find out almost everything about someone through their facebook, and if not, then you can at the least find out who you know in common and make sure you find out everything about that person. And if you don’t have that person added, it’s nearly a guarantee that one of your close friends does. I currently have about 5 friends that use my facebook SOLELY for stalking purposes. Welcome to BROOKLYN!

You can find out everything your ex is up to – and guys are downright stupid with this. Guys like to act like big shots once they are single and post on FB every single thing they are doing and make it sound really awesome. ie: “At the gas station – hot bitches be staring at me everywhere I go” or even better is “Lifting 99,000 lbs at the gym today, gotta look good 😉 **insert douche photo with 20lb weight here**”. Sorry it’s just sad & pathetic.

Girls, on the other hand, like to put on the sluttiest apparel possible (the more naked the better) and go out to the most ridiculous clubs (future posts on OPM to come), and then take as many pics with as many guys as possible.

Yes… this is what the dating world has come to.

The only thing that sucks in all this is that chances are I’m probably getting stalked right back. Amid ex-bfs and girls that I dropped from my life because of the drama they caused.. I’m pretty sure there are crazy b*tches out there stalking my life. This could be a comforting thought if I often walked in the middle of nowhere and could possibly drop dead at any moment.. then at least the stalking abilities of others would be useful.

The BEST part of all this is seeing who your exes date after you. Don’t lie.. even before the times of facebook you wanted to know. It’s even better when that new person makes you feel a lot better about who you are. Suddenly eating Chunky Monkey ice cream is no longer necessary when your ex downgrades.

I am of the firm belief that facebook – if you rely on it as a legitimate source of information – can only be a friendship/relationship killer. I highly recommend you find a significant other that does not think the entire world starts and ends on facebook… otherwise you might fall victim to the penis sniffing.