Word of the Year: Purpose

December 13, 2016 Leave a Comment

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I spent too large a portion of 2016 absolutely hating my job – large Broker Dealer bank world will do that to you – shout out to Merrill Lynch for being a complete sh*t hole! Then I spent an even larger portion finding a company that does Finance right, learning all the ins-and-outs, finding my groove, and am finally at the point where I love what I do 45+ hours a week. YAY ME!

I also spent a good portion of the year becoming a real “health” expert. Whatever that might mean to you. I’m a certified health coach thanks to IIN and on top of that I’ve taken course after course about eating to heal various disorders, eating to lose weight, eating to gain weight, eating to compete in figure related competitions, eating to fix imbalances in the body and ultimately, eating to be our own best selves – it certainly looks different for everyone and it’s been an amazingly fulfilling learning experience. I’ve even been fortunate enough to coach some amazing people and watch them transform. Pretty amazing stuff. YAY ME!

One thing down and the rest of my life to go.

Somewhere along the way I realized that although I absolutely love what I do – both full time and part time for work, I don’t have something I’m doing on a regular basis that would feel my soul.

I love helping people organize their financial lives and I love helping people solve their health and life problems in general. And although it is ABSOLUTELY a form of soul food to help others, it is entirely a practice dependent on having others to help. I felt for a while like the gaping hole was growing bigger because I was doing nothing that depended on me and only me and helped me to feeeeeeeeel goooooood!

Even though I’m a health coach, I’m not a big fan of working out. I loathe the gym. I’ve worked with personal trainers, some of which charged way too much for standing around at the gym and watching me jump rope while they texted, I’ve taken classes, I’ve done the whole gym shebang… and it’s just not fun for me. I just can’t spend the few free hours in a week doing something I absolutely detest.

Finance is not really something I can do in my free time. I definitely help others around me organize their finances and coach and teach them elements of finance every chance I get… until they’re likely more tired of hearing it than I am of saying it. But, as I mentioned, it’s hard to make a pass time out of this.

At some point I realized that a life filled with wonderful work that I love is not quite enough to satisfy my heart. Here came the thinking part; a list of things I enjoy, things I’m good at, and what I love:

  • Helping others
  • Reading
  • Buddhism
  • Yoga
  • Dancing
  • Being silly and childish
    • (Think swinging on the swing set at a playground and you’ll get the right idea)

I haven’t FULLY figured out what this means for my next year. BUT I’ve taken up Zumba classes on a regular basis and I’m doing Buti Yoga ( a form of Yoga that incorporates tribal dance, letting go of negative energy, and obviously.. yoga ).. I actually signed up to become a 200 hr RYT certified instructor in Buti Yoga, Vinyasa, and Bikram (hot) Yoga. I imagine I’m somewhere on the right track to feeding my soul.

A friend introduced me to this concept of doing a word of the year instead of a resolution so I chose the word “PURPOSE” for 2017. It seems to fit well with all the things I’ve managed to do this year to set myself up for a good next year, as well as all the things I’ve signed up for as we kick off the next year.

I’d love to hear what your word might be!

 

 

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Boss Nature

October 9, 2012 Leave a Comment

First, I must credit the title of this post & the motivation for it to two awesome friends, M.T. and I.M. (yes, I decided to use initials starting now). We just came back from an incredible trip to New Hampshire – also made stops in Massachusetts and in Maine. Overall, my impression of New England as a whole has greatly improved and I’m officially in love with nature, the earth, hiking, and overall body movement.

Despite an insane lack of [comfortable] sleep, I felt like I came alive being in the forest. Climbing sure left me short of breath because I’m an American. As much as I hate to admit this, I have totally absorbed the American way of life into my daily routine. After this weekend, I want nothing more than to be rid of it. As I sit here and write this post, I am absolutely missing the feeling of my limbs moving. We have evolved into an increasingly sedentary society. We sit for work, we sit on our way to and from work, whether we’re driving, flying or taking the train we are constantly sitting. We get home from work and sit in front of the television; we sit down at a dining table for dinner, then we do some more sitting before we go to bed.

The sedentary society that has come to be in clashes drastically with human physiology. We went from moving all the time too hardly moving and our bodies aren’t adapting well. For tens of thousands of years humans were nomadic, constantly walking from settlement to settlement. Fast-forward to the present and it has only been about 50-100 years that so many of us sit all day long. Even in just the past 20 years, because of the predominance of computers in daily life, sitting is a “new” phenomenon for the body.

I have often categorized myself as a pretty active person, because in comparison to many people, I am.. I bike ride as often as possible, sometimes going for 20 or more miles. I walk at least 5 miles every single day of my life, I do yoga, and I genuinely enjoy things like Zumba, Insanity, hoop dancing, etc. My workout DVD collection allows for a lot of variation and keeping things interesting… I do cardio and weights and everything else you can come up with. Taking walks or doing any physical activity with close friends around the city always gives me at least a small ego boost because I never lose stamina (sorry ladies, just the truth), and am never tired as quickly as some of my girlfriends tend to get.

Frankly, that’s all bullshit. Being out in nature and feeling my body do what it’s meant to do was incredible and rejuvenating and exhausting all at once. I don’t remember the last time I felt so.. free. I feel like I should be hiking every single day. Like every part of my body was woken up. It was exhilarating. Although I’m sore as all hell today… I am thoroughly enjoying every minute of feeling my muscles burn – it means they worked, and furthermore, it means I worked.

We as humans are constantly finding ways to make things simpler, faster, easier.. we’re all about doing the least amount of work. Examples are everywhere: The hostel where we stayed had real garlic and a jar of crushed garlic – guess which one I used for cooking? Obviously I took the easy way out, as so many other people would have. I’ve been trying to transition to a whole foods – plant based diet and the first question I always get from people about it is: was it hard to stop eating meat? Of course it’s hard, why would you want it to be easy? What’s the reward in that? I consciously decide to put healthier foods into my body every day. Is it easier to walk to McDonald’s and order things based on NUMBER? Sure it is. Is it making me feel good about myself, my body or my life? No, it’s not.

My point in all this story telling is that you should get out there. You should discover something new. Every day should be different and challenging and exciting. Make your body work because Humans were made to move. Stop taking short cuts because life is only worth it if you work hard for everything you achieve. The world is beautiful.

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Just Have Sex

September 19, 2012 2 Comments

I’m not sure if anyone else notices this but when you’re not in a relationship the things that other people do in their relationships seem so ridiculous. This may also be true while you’re in one. Perhaps I’ve just been in tune with this since I need material to write about.

The Flip Outs

We’ve all been there. You have that significant other that flips out ALL the time. Accusations everywhere!! I have to ask. What’s the point? What are you hoping to get out of acting like a complete psycho? Do you think accusing your significant other of cheating will make them less likely to cheat? It’s simple. If he’s cheating on you, you’re going to end up finding out sooner or later anyway so you might as well control your stress levels and just chill out. If he’s not cheating on you and you’re accusing a wonderful guy of cheating on you while he’s being loyal then you’re just pushing him away and messing up your relationship for no good reason.

The Stay-At-Homes

Why do people drop their lives, their friendships, and their personalities once they get into a relationship? Your man has to work late and you’re calling me up complaining that now you’re stuck sitting at home. I invite you to go have dinner and you say no. Excuse me what? Did you just forget how to be a person? I don’t understand how you give up your entire life and who you are just because someone stamps Girlfriend on your forehead. You know what’s going to happen when you guys break up? You’re going to be all alone and have no friends… and the only person you have to blame is yourself.

The Future Builders

So you just went on your third date with this guy and you’re imagining what your babies are going to look like. You know there’s a word for people like you. It’s fucking CREEPY. This guy is probably on his 4th date with someone else and just picked up a girl at a bar right after he dropped you home. Calm down. It’s a third date not a proposal. You don’t even know if this guy is really into you yet or he’s trying to figure out how many dinners it’s going to take until your panties drop. Also, if you find a guy who is the one doing this, it’s not cute, it’s sad and pathetic and chances are he doesn’t have much going for him personality/looks wise and you need to re-evaluate your decision to date him.

The Compulsive Liars

The people who lie about everything all the time to see how many lies they can get away with before they get caught by their significant others. Then they cry like little babies and are like “OMG I’m so stupid, why didn’t I just tell him I bought red socks instead of blue ones”. Yea, you are stupid, and he’s even more stupid for staying with you.

The Fuck Ups

I mean generally, in life. The people who do ridiculous things like quit their jobs or drop out of school while in a relationship. Then they complain they have no money to go anywhere or do anything. Then they complain that their significant other is complaining that they have no money to go anywhere or do anything. Seriously, what’s wrong with you?

The Doing-Too-Much Problem

I know a bunch of girls that constantly complain that their boyfriends are too busy studying and working to make time to see them every day. Really? This makes me want to vomit. I understand if your boyfriend has like 5 jobs for no good reason and is basically avoiding seeing you but if your man is out there making himself a better person and still making time to see you at least once a week, especially if he treats you well, then suck it up. It’s part of “being a supportive girlfriend”. Learn to do it because it will pay off big time once he rises to the top.

The Not-Doing-Enough Problem

You both get so lazy that you stop going anywhere. Even the boring double dates start being few and far between. You’ve probably almost merged into one person because all you do is lay around and do nothing together. It’s disgusting. Go find yourself a life and learn to spend time apart.

The Ones Who Stop Giving A Shit About Their Bodies

This is probably my favorite, because it happens so simultaneously in relationships. Every time you see the couple they have each gained about 15 pounds. 2 years together and there’s a sesame chicken & fried rice deficit in NYC and they both weigh 350 pounds. It’s not cute. No one else will ever love you if you keep doing this to yourself. The key to loving someone else is to love yourself first. I couldn’t love myself in size 16 pants. Sorry. If people on the train genuinely offer you their seats because they think you’re pregnant then it’s time to visit the produce section more often.

The Non-Communicators

…with each other anyway. They have no problems communicating with EVERYONE else around them. These are the girls that think there’s something wrong so they call up 19 of their closest girlfriends and discuss it in detail, piecing together every word he’s said over the last 15 weeks as if he were God dictating the damn Bible over again. Men, on the other hand, will just drink themselves retarded with their guy friends over a game of football (which women will take to mean that the guy no longer loves them and avoids spending time with them). Just go and learn to talk to your significant other. seriously.

The Sex Problems

Why is the one person you don’t discuss sex with, and all the things you might want to try, your significant other? Then you end up having vanilla sex for 3 years. Go pick up 50 Shades of Grey and have a discussion over who’s bringing in the toys and make things come alive. This helps to fix other things. Perhaps your man would be more willing to communicate with you if you were open to trying it with your left leg behind your head?

The Money Problems

You know those people that are like, “I bought him a gift for $300, but the gift he bought me was only $200, WTF?!” That’s not okay. Stop being such a materialistic douche. Who counts money in relationships anyway? We’re all young and basically broke. Worse is if you offer to pick something up for your boyfriend, like his dry-cleaning, and then complain that he didn’t pay you back for it. Really? Are we doing that now? He’s your significant other, and it was like $8. Calm down, he probably spent 90 times that amount before you gave him the “privilege” of calling you his girlfriend.

The FBI Agents

Another favorite. I love the girls that get all the passwords and constantly check the guys’ phones. And then proceed to ask them questions about who every single person is in their contacts and if they’ve ever slept with them. And then if so, how many times and how long ago was it and “omg you slept with her only 4 years ago- delete her now!” How is this helping your relationship? If you have trust problems you need to seek counseling and stop subjecting your boyfriend to your personal problems. OMG did you just find out that he’s friends with his ex on facebook? Are you now stalking his entire life? You’re sad. Just Stop.

The Actual Stalkers

These are the people who actually follow their significant others around and call them while they’re looking at them to make sure they aren’t lying.

Ancient meme:

Girl: Where are you?

Boy: In bed, thinking of you, and you?

Girl: Right behind you at the club.

See, this kind of stuff actually happens though. And as mentioned earlier… the guy who wants to lie and cheat is going to lie and cheat no matter how psycho you act so just stop!

The Drama Queens

We’ve all been with that person that just seriously enjoys arguing and fighting. It’s like a way for them to spice up the relationship or something when they’re bored. “OMG you’re wearing a purple shirt today! That was your exes favorite color, you must be cheating on me!!!”. I’ve heard people also tend to take things more seriously as time goes on. I have a friend who fought with her boyfriend over yogurt at one point. Hey! Don’t laugh.. Yogurt is important.

 

In conclusion I would just like to say: Fuck relationships, just have sex.

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Curse of Altruism

September 10, 2012 1 Comment

This is going to be DEEP TALK people. Time to use some of that 95% of untapped brain matter.

We all want to help others – and by all I mean those of us with a heart and soul – it’s a noble purpose and is certainly personally rewarding. However, how much are we really willing (and able) to give?

Hypothetical Situation: Let’s call you Betty. You’re 26 years old, living on your own in a one bedroom apartment – costing you $1,100 a month, add the usual utilities – cable, internet, electricity and let’s say you’re paying about $1,250 (most people pay way more). Other bills include your cell phone – about $100 per month. We’ll also say that Betty doesn’t drive, she just spends $104 on her monthly MetroCard and hopes she gets rides from friends & family should she ever need to go somewhere special. She also lives a relatively frugal existence and does all her own cooking and doesn’t eat out, adding just about $200 a month in groceries – oh she’s also Vegan so she doesn’t have the added cost of eating gourmet pig fat. We’re up to $1654 so far. Let’s say Betty doesn’t really shop too often – but obviously everyone needs clothing, and shoes, so let’s bring her grand total up to about $2,000 a month in expenses. This is REALLY low by the way – she’d probably never go to the movies if her budget was really $2,000… But this is the wonderful world of Nika economics.. so everything is possible. Let’s also say that Betty is one of the lucky few who graduated college and actually got a job. She’s also lucky enough to receive decent pay of $40,000 per year. This means that her bi-weekly net pay would be about $1,248.57 after all the taxes (according to http://www.paycheckcity.com) Which means she makes about $2,500 a month… that’s without having a life.

Let’s summarize. Net Pay = $2,500 , Net Expenses = $2,000. Are you seeing the problem yet? We’re going to assume that Betty doesn’t want to live this meager and sad lifestyle forever and actually wants to have a savings – just like any other normal person. Not to get into politics, but this is why it matters who’s in office and how they’re spending the money – because it’s only your pocket that’s going to be cut into deeper – and let’s be frank and say that aside from the douchebag cop that’s giving you a pointless ticket, we don’t see our tax dollars coming back to us.

The problem is simple – she can’t really be altruistic. Except maybe with her time, but we can all agree that time seems to slip by us when we also have goals of personal development – going to the gym, or learning a craft, or even participating in a book club, etc.

We talk about helping others like it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. We should all help! But in all reality – we probably can’t. How much of yourself, your life, the future of your children could you possibly sacrifice to help a stranger? How much of living your own life can you possibly give up before realizing you aren’t accomplishing anything real and 15 years from now doesn’t look any brighter then tomorrow. You end up being just a hamster on a wheel. This also ties into a topic I feel rather strongly about: Living in the moment.

A bunch of my friends are festival junkies, namely Burning Man. Burning Man tickets themselves go for somewhere around $400 – with flights and accommodations and everything else, you could easily spend $1500 on this damn festival. Sounds awesome right?! Until you can’t pay your damn rent! Living in the moment works well – until tomorrow. Until you realize you have life and responsibilities and getting into a week long acid-trip probably isn’t worth being homeless for.

You have to plan for tomorrow, and not the literal tomorrow, but the next 3+, 5+, 10+ years. Because honestly, if you don’t, you might as well say “fuck it” to your 9-to-5 and go live somewhere doing something useful instead of living your pathetic existence the way it is. My friend Ilya suggests teaching English in Guatemala.

This is why money matters, why having a good job and making a good income matters. You have to realize that the world isn’t all butterflies and pretty clouds. That the thought of back-packing through Europe with the help of locals sounds lovely, but in the real world .. isn’t likely. I’ve been called a “corporate whore”, a “sell-out”, and even a “money-hungry bitch” multiple times, but let’s get real here: In order to help others, you have to be pretty self-sufficient first. Having an underpaid, over-taxed society only works well while there is that 1% at the top handling all the donations for us since none of us can afford it.

Would the world really be worse-off with more millionaires?

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