The Falsehood of Overwork

August 19, 2017 1 Comment

We currently live in a society where we’re OBSESSED with being overworked. We wear it like a badge of honor. I’ve had close friends in various programs such as veterinary school or law school competing about who has it “worse”. Who is more tired? More exhausted? Putting in more hours? Who has a bigger work load? Who is putting in the most hours? Oh you worked 12 hours today! I’m on my 12th day of 15 hour shifts… TAKE THAT!

We take this obsession with overwork and bring it into every area of our lives. Yoga and dance are seen by people as being for the “weak”. We’ve developed military style workouts – “boot camp” – and managed to convince people that they need these in order to be healthy. Instead of focusing on making people enjoy what they’re doing when they manage to find a few hours in their days to focus on self-care… we’re basically making people beat themselves to a pulp and hate every second of it. More misery? MORE POWER!

Moms are competing as to who has it worse every day. Arguing over whose husband is messiest, or how much harder it is to be a stay at home mom, or vice versa.

So you go from over worked in the office, to doing unnecessarily intense workouts, to arguing with your friends during your down time over how awful your husband is.

Why the actual F*CK are we competing for who has it worse? Why are we so excited to be bragging about things we should be complaining about?

Any one who has been at all looped into the science coming out of exercise studies will tell you that there is no dramatic difference to your health if you workout just enough to get your heart rate into the aerobic zone for 30 minutes a day, versus being ready to throw up at the end of your workout. I’m willing to bet theres quite a difference when it comes to your mental sanity.

We can expand this to nearly every single facet of our lives.

Instead of focusing on all the ways we’re miserable in our lives, and making every aspect of our lives a competition for being more over worked than the person next to us. Why don’t we step back and realize that none of these things are making us fulfilled.

That’s a word we don’t talk about enough. Fulfillment.

How many of the things you’re doing in your life are actually making you feel fulfilled? How much of your lifestyle is actually feeding your soul?

 

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Word of the Year: Purpose

December 13, 2016 Leave a Comment

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I spent too large a portion of 2016 absolutely hating my job – large Broker Dealer bank world will do that to you – shout out to Merrill Lynch for being a complete sh*t hole! Then I spent an even larger portion finding a company that does Finance right, learning all the ins-and-outs, finding my groove, and am finally at the point where I love what I do 45+ hours a week. YAY ME!

I also spent a good portion of the year becoming a real “health” expert. Whatever that might mean to you. I’m a certified health coach thanks to IIN and on top of that I’ve taken course after course about eating to heal various disorders, eating to lose weight, eating to gain weight, eating to compete in figure related competitions, eating to fix imbalances in the body and ultimately, eating to be our own best selves – it certainly looks different for everyone and it’s been an amazingly fulfilling learning experience. I’ve even been fortunate enough to coach some amazing people and watch them transform. Pretty amazing stuff. YAY ME!

One thing down and the rest of my life to go.

Somewhere along the way I realized that although I absolutely love what I do – both full time and part time for work, I don’t have something I’m doing on a regular basis that would feel my soul.

I love helping people organize their financial lives and I love helping people solve their health and life problems in general. And although it is ABSOLUTELY a form of soul food to help others, it is entirely a practice dependent on having others to help. I felt for a while like the gaping hole was growing bigger because I was doing nothing that depended on me and only me and helped me to feeeeeeeeel goooooood!

Even though I’m a health coach, I’m not a big fan of working out. I loathe the gym. I’ve worked with personal trainers, some of which charged way too much for standing around at the gym and watching me jump rope while they texted, I’ve taken classes, I’ve done the whole gym shebang… and it’s just not fun for me. I just can’t spend the few free hours in a week doing something I absolutely detest.

Finance is not really something I can do in my free time. I definitely help others around me organize their finances and coach and teach them elements of finance every chance I get… until they’re likely more tired of hearing it than I am of saying it. But, as I mentioned, it’s hard to make a pass time out of this.

At some point I realized that a life filled with wonderful work that I love is not quite enough to satisfy my heart. Here came the thinking part; a list of things I enjoy, things I’m good at, and what I love:

  • Helping others
  • Reading
  • Buddhism
  • Yoga
  • Dancing
  • Being silly and childish
    • (Think swinging on the swing set at a playground and you’ll get the right idea)

I haven’t FULLY figured out what this means for my next year. BUT I’ve taken up Zumba classes on a regular basis and I’m doing Buti Yoga ( a form of Yoga that incorporates tribal dance, letting go of negative energy, and obviously.. yoga ).. I actually signed up to become a 200 hr RYT certified instructor in Buti Yoga, Vinyasa, and Bikram (hot) Yoga. I imagine I’m somewhere on the right track to feeding my soul.

A friend introduced me to this concept of doing a word of the year instead of a resolution so I chose the word “PURPOSE” for 2017. It seems to fit well with all the things I’ve managed to do this year to set myself up for a good next year, as well as all the things I’ve signed up for as we kick off the next year.

I’d love to hear what your word might be!

 

 

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What Are You Willing to Suffer For?

December 4, 2016 Leave a Comment

This question was asked in an interesting book I’m almost done reading and it got me thinking about all my past “efforts” that didn’t quite pan out the way I initially thought they would.

And the simple truth was that they weren’t significant enough to my life for me to suffer for them.

If you think about your past relationships, there were probably ones that you seemingly fought hard for, and others you walked away from. There were probably those that you felt absolutely tortured by but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave. Perhaps it was the quantity of time that you had already put in, or perhaps (like I have often done), you held on to the memories of good times that were long gone.

It’s interesting what we are willing to suffer for. If you think about the torture you probably endured in college, and then maybe in grad school, you’d be shocked to know how many people still stick around at jobs they hate after-the-fact. We suffer through decades of schooling to suffer through even more decades of awful work-life. And somehow, this isn’t considering insanity.

When it comes to our self-care we often neglect ourselves and then complain about the consequences of that neglect. Often, we’re simply stunned and amazed by the people who put hours upon hours of effort into their bodies at the gym – the truth is that they are willing to suffer for it, and we are not.

I’ve coached hundreds of people over the last few years and most have tried several different ‘diet’ programs, but most went back to their old habits. Why? Because they were only willing to suffer for a short time. Lifestyle changes take a prolonged amount of suffering before they become enjoyable and let’s be honest – eating cupcakes is easier and more enjoyable than doing burpees and eating kale.

Not that this is accurate or representative of anything large-scale study in particular but I polled some Facebook friends and some ladies in a group and asked what they did for themselves in the last year that made them the happiest. Most answers were like “finished college” “got a new job” “had a baby” “got certified in ____”. All of these things include suffering. In some way or form. But here’s the thing, it’s often the things we suffer for most that become the highlights of our lives. They become the shining stars and benchmarks against which all future efforts are measured. They often bring us into growth and change our lives in ways we could have hardly imagine when we started.

So next time, when someone asks “what do you want…”.. the real question should be “What are you willing to suffer for?”

Good question to ask while you ponder your New Year’s Resolutions for 2017!

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Sex Addictions & Saltines

May 6, 2013 1 Comment

No, I wasn’t just picking two things that start with the same letter as I began typing this. These two are related, somewhat. Kind of like pregnancy and pickles.

I think anyone can list at least one celebrity/famous person that has ‘suffered’ from a sex addiction. Tiger Woods tends to come to mind for me. Mostly because he was in a seemingly happy marriage with a wife that (also, seemingly) couldn’t wait to bang him. I mean, who wouldn’t bang Tiger… he’s a pro at handling a stick.

Did I get that right? Any sports besides Hockey & Volleyball just make no sense to me.

More to the point, Tiger’s wife, Elin, is a hottie. Not a doubt comes to my mind that she has an entire list of much too attractive men ready to give it to her. So why cheat? I mean I get the need to have sex (I know, it’s earth shattering, women want sex too *GASP*), but I don’t get the need to cheat. I imagine that banging a new woman would be much like banging a new guy – uncomfortable, unfamiliar, maybe exciting, or maybe really frikkin AWFUL. Why risk the *hopefully* awesome sex you’re having on a *hopefully* regular basis with your current lover for something else that although new could be potentially AWFUL?

I will never understand cheaters. Not that I don’t know any, I know quite a few as I’ve recently discovered and I’ve had long discussions with all of them as to WHY bother in the first place- and the one thing I’ve discovered is that it comes down to fear. Mostly, fear of never being with anyone else aside from the person you’re with. Now, some people, such as myself are excited by the premise of loyalty and consistency. Others, apparently, not so much.

I don’t think that calling it a Sex Addiction is accurate. Being addicted to sex wouldn’t alone make you stray. It’s kind of like when you’re in the grocery store and you usually buy saltines but one day you’re like “I want to try something new” so you buy some ridiculous cracker or cookie that you later realize is not nearly as great as the classic. But the next time you’re at the grocery store – saltines are all sold out. Now I realize I’m comparing your significant other to salty crackers – but let’s be honest.. it’s not far off.

I guess my point with all this salty ranting is that you shouldn’t give up something great for the unknown. It’s never as good as you think it’s going to be.

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