Word of the Year: Purpose

December 13, 2016 Leave a Comment

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I spent too large a portion of 2016 absolutely hating my job – large Broker Dealer bank world will do that to you – shout out to Merrill Lynch for being a complete sh*t hole! Then I spent an even larger portion finding a company that does Finance right, learning all the ins-and-outs, finding my groove, and am finally at the point where I love what I do 45+ hours a week. YAY ME!

I also spent a good portion of the year becoming a real “health” expert. Whatever that might mean to you. I’m a certified health coach thanks to IIN and on top of that I’ve taken course after course about eating to heal various disorders, eating to lose weight, eating to gain weight, eating to compete in figure related competitions, eating to fix imbalances in the body and ultimately, eating to be our own best selves – it certainly looks different for everyone and it’s been an amazingly fulfilling learning experience. I’ve even been fortunate enough to coach some amazing people and watch them transform. Pretty amazing stuff. YAY ME!

One thing down and the rest of my life to go.

Somewhere along the way I realized that although I absolutely love what I do – both full time and part time for work, I don’t have something I’m doing on a regular basis that would feel my soul.

I love helping people organize their financial lives and I love helping people solve their health and life problems in general. And although it is ABSOLUTELY a form of soul food to help others, it is entirely a practice dependent on having others to help. I felt for a while like the gaping hole was growing bigger because I was doing nothing that depended on me and only me and helped me to feeeeeeeeel goooooood!

Even though I’m a health coach, I’m not a big fan of working out. I loathe the gym. I’ve worked with personal trainers, some of which charged way too much for standing around at the gym and watching me jump rope while they texted, I’ve taken classes, I’ve done the whole gym shebang… and it’s just not fun for me. I just can’t spend the few free hours in a week doing something I absolutely detest.

Finance is not really something I can do in my free time. I definitely help others around me organize their finances and coach and teach them elements of finance every chance I get… until they’re likely more tired of hearing it than I am of saying it. But, as I mentioned, it’s hard to make a pass time out of this.

At some point I realized that a life filled with wonderful work that I love is not quite enough to satisfy my heart. Here came the thinking part; a list of things I enjoy, things I’m good at, and what I love:

  • Helping others
  • Reading
  • Buddhism
  • Yoga
  • Dancing
  • Being silly and childish
    • (Think swinging on the swing set at a playground and you’ll get the right idea)

I haven’t FULLY figured out what this means for my next year. BUT I’ve taken up Zumba classes on a regular basis and I’m doing Buti Yoga ( a form of Yoga that incorporates tribal dance, letting go of negative energy, and obviously.. yoga ).. I actually signed up to become a 200 hr RYT certified instructor in Buti Yoga, Vinyasa, and Bikram (hot) Yoga. I imagine I’m somewhere on the right track to feeding my soul.

A friend introduced me to this concept of doing a word of the year instead of a resolution so I chose the word “PURPOSE” for 2017. It seems to fit well with all the things I’ve managed to do this year to set myself up for a good next year, as well as all the things I’ve signed up for as we kick off the next year.

I’d love to hear what your word might be!

 

 

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What Are You Willing to Suffer For?

December 4, 2016 Leave a Comment

This question was asked in an interesting book I’m almost done reading and it got me thinking about all my past “efforts” that didn’t quite pan out the way I initially thought they would.

And the simple truth was that they weren’t significant enough to my life for me to suffer for them.

If you think about your past relationships, there were probably ones that you seemingly fought hard for, and others you walked away from. There were probably those that you felt absolutely tortured by but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave. Perhaps it was the quantity of time that you had already put in, or perhaps (like I have often done), you held on to the memories of good times that were long gone.

It’s interesting what we are willing to suffer for. If you think about the torture you probably endured in college, and then maybe in grad school, you’d be shocked to know how many people still stick around at jobs they hate after-the-fact. We suffer through decades of schooling to suffer through even more decades of awful work-life. And somehow, this isn’t considering insanity.

When it comes to our self-care we often neglect ourselves and then complain about the consequences of that neglect. Often, we’re simply stunned and amazed by the people who put hours upon hours of effort into their bodies at the gym – the truth is that they are willing to suffer for it, and we are not.

I’ve coached hundreds of people over the last few years and most have tried several different ‘diet’ programs, but most went back to their old habits. Why? Because they were only willing to suffer for a short time. Lifestyle changes take a prolonged amount of suffering before they become enjoyable and let’s be honest – eating cupcakes is easier and more enjoyable than doing burpees and eating kale.

Not that this is accurate or representative of anything large-scale study in particular but I polled some Facebook friends and some ladies in a group and asked what they did for themselves in the last year that made them the happiest. Most answers were like “finished college” “got a new job” “had a baby” “got certified in ____”. All of these things include suffering. In some way or form. But here’s the thing, it’s often the things we suffer for most that become the highlights of our lives. They become the shining stars and benchmarks against which all future efforts are measured. They often bring us into growth and change our lives in ways we could have hardly imagine when we started.

So next time, when someone asks “what do you want…”.. the real question should be “What are you willing to suffer for?”

Good question to ask while you ponder your New Year’s Resolutions for 2017!

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Complacency is Death

August 13, 2016 Leave a Comment

This morning one of my close friends told me that she can’t open up her store in SoHo this morning because the “Body Acceptance Movement” is protesting outside her business.

Okay, before this becomes a rant on everything that’s wrong with “BAM”, I have to say that I believe that all people should love their bodies at every size. I believe, more specifically, all women should love themselves so much that it doesn’t matter what size they are.

That being said.. BAM.. which is essentially the Fat Acceptance Movement.. angers me like very few other things in this world. The fact that my friend is losing income and her beautiful clothes can’t be sold today because 20 morbidly obese people are SITTING outside her business, is unacceptable.

I make a living helping people. As a Financial Planner, I help them improve their money situations – I have helped people get out of debt, buy homes, grow their assets, send their kids to college, and even retire comfortably. As a Health Coach, I help people improve their health – I have helped diabetics minimize the effects diabetes has on their lives, helped countless people lose weight, helped people with eating disorders to gain weight in healthy ways, and helped people live better lives with Crohns, MS, and a wide variety of other illnesses with terrible symptoms.

All of the people I have helped have had one thing in common: they all want to improve their current situations.

I don’t understand people who get to a place in their life where not only do they give up on themselves, but they’re encouraging everyone to give up on them too.

My weight has fluctuated my whole adult life, I bounce around somewhere between a size 2 and a size 8 based on how I feed my body and whether or not I’m on a health kick. It’s been pretty stable the last 2.5 years since I found a lifestyle that works for me. I have loved myself at a size 2, and I have loved myself at a size 8. But I loved myself enough to get healthy and always try to make it better. If i wake up tired for a few days straight, I must be lacking something, I must not be getting enough Vitamin B in my diet, or I need to get to sleep sooner. SOMETHING. Something has to improve and I need to change something in my life. That’s the thinking process that I go through. When I’m at a size 8, I also get not-so-subtle nudges from my family members that I need to stop eating pasta and start eating kale.

But the Body Acceptance Movement is a different beast. It says that not only should we stop improving ourselves, it suggests that the people in our lives should also stop trying to help us improve. When you stop loving yourself, the ONE thing you should want is for everyone in your life to love you SO much that they don’t let you continue hurting yourself. Obesity is painful. It is painful to live in a world where everyone judges you, judges everything you put in your mouth, judges what you dress, judges how much space you take up. Obesity is MORE painful on the inside. Obesity makes people immobile. Obesity makes it hard to sleep, hard to move, hard to eat, hard to LIVE. If you are Obese, I honestly hope you have people in your life who love you so much that they help you get healthier. If you give up on yourself, that’s the moment you stop loving yourself. And by asking your family and those around you to “accept you” or rather give up on you, you are asking them to stop loving you too.

I believe that loving yourself at every size stems from loving yourself to better health. Size aside, there is clearly nothing healthy about being obese. All studies indicate that despite all possible issues, diseases, and illness – thyroid, diabetes, MS, etc., you can still control what you put in your body and how you treat it and that you can absolutely lose weight. Studies also show that because of obesity, we will literally be the first generation to not outlive our parents. Your “Body Acceptance” may literally kill you.

So this is essentially a plea. Please stop being complacent in your situation. Instead of asking your loved ones to accept you. Ask your loved ones to support you, help you, and love you so much that they force you to make better decisions, and help you improve your health. Ask them to be your accountability partners. Or ask a stranger or a co-worker or anyone you think will actually keep you honest.

I realize this is easier said than done but: Love yourself more than any challenge that presents itself in your life.

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Growth… It Often Looks Like Failure

May 17, 2016 1 Comment

I’ve spent the last two years or so of my life working on growing and developing myself. In particular I really wanted to get good at a few things:

  1. Staying positive no matter what is going on.
  2. Not letting negative people bring me down.
  3. Not negatively reacting or being bothered by other people and what they do/say.
  4. Waking up every day excited for the day.
  5. Going to sleep with a grateful heart.

Of the last two years, I can honestly say that there have very few days where I have accomplished all five things. However, I have steadily gotten better at doing all of them, in on way or another, and I am VERY good at noticing when I am not doing one of those 5 – and stopping to reassess my behavior.

It took me way too many negative nancy moment, way too many tears, way too many arguments with people on Facebook, and way too much frustration to realize I had a problem. I used to constantly argue about politics -and feel like banging my head against a wall when I couldn’t make every single member of my friends list agree with me. I used to argue all day about one thing or another until I realized it was eating up my life and a complete waste of energy. And more importantly – all the negatively, arguing, and frustration was getting me nowhere fast in terms of my life and my goals.

I’ve learned that growth involves a lot of failing forward.

I’ve gotten really good at being focused on my goals regardless of what my day is looking like, what obstacles come about or what random project gets thrown my way that throws off the next 87 days that I had planned down to 30-minute intervals. I’ve gotten good at focusing on what I need to get done, and gaining that “I’m accomplished” feeling. That feeling just feels so damn good #amiright?

At first, my approach to not letting negative people bother me was to simply block them all away. If I can’t see it.. it’s not really there, right? Yes, that’s right. But I’m also not learning how to deal with the negativity in a way that doesn’t affect me. So a few weeks ago I unblocked everyone on my block list and let pandora’s box be what it may. I must add though, that the unfollow button is a true blessing. No one likes a constant complainer… and I no longer need to see them whine about how awful it is that their Barista can’t get their name right ever or how TERRIBLE the MTA is every.single.day.

Now, I rarely argue on Facebook – there are a few special characters that can bring it out of me, but I always notice it and I always try to end things – make peace and move on with my day to being more productive. It used to eat up hours, now it eats up minutes (most of the time).. we’ll just call that growing because this one was particularly hard for me to do.

I finally have a job, work environment and all around life where I am excited for each of my days. I feel like I’m constantly helping people and feel like I’m growing personally and professionally. Both my day job – being a Financial Planner, and my evening personal gig- being a Health Coach, are personally rewarding in a thousand different ways. It’s frikkin’ awesome (and I am eternally grateful every single day)!

I have also gotten in the habit of writing out my gratitudes. I don’t do it everyday, but whether I do it before bed, when I first wake up, or dead center in the middle of a client meeting.. it still gets done… and it brings my entire perspective right back to what’s really important.

So fail forward. Fail forward every day to get closer and closer to whatever your personal goals are… I sure am!

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Consistency is Everything

January 24, 2016 Leave a Comment

Happy New Year!

Alright, that’s all you get. Mostly because you’ve probably long forgotten about all your wonderful New Year’s goals and ALL the changes you’ve promised yourself you’re going to make in #2016. (This is your super sweet reminder to refresh those goals before it’s November!)

Thinking about New Year’s resolutions and how so many people have already let theirs go down the drain, I started thinking about everything else we probably promise to do on a regular basis and quickly forget about.

Eating healthy, exercising, cooking at home more often, calling our friends and family members, spending more quality time, reading, writing a blog, keeping our closets organized, and maybe even showing love and affection.

All of these things that we aim to be better at – to do more of. They seem to slip into the cracks of “life”. Complaining about our jobs, about our bosses, focusing on everything our significant others don’t do, drama with friends – these are the things we tend to draw our attention to. The things we seem to focus on.

A brilliant and favorite author of mine – Rod Hairston says the following:

“What you Focus on you Find, What you Focus on Grows, What you Focus on Seems Real, What you Focus on You Become.”

So before you forget about all those things that seem to fade away quickly after January 1st of every year – ask yourself who you want to become?

Oftentimes, we find ourselves in places we never actually aimed to go. Does the alcoholic take a sip of beer and decide he wants to ruin his life by becoming a slave to alcohol? Probably not. I’ve coached hundreds of people who wanted to lose weight and NONE of them ever set a goal to gain it in the first place. They just “ended up” there.

So much of who we actually become has to do with our daily habits. Our unconscious choices. Our day-in and day-out actions and inactions. They’re the ones that actually create our outcomes.

So let’s actually make #2016 different. Let’s change our every day. Let’s figure out who/what we want to become and get there through consistent daily action.

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU! (I really feel like this is an appropriate way to end this)

 

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Day to Day

October 27, 2014 Leave a Comment

Oftentimes we go through each of our days without any particular goals  or dreams in mind. We’re just kind of rolling along in life. I think this is probably most common while you’re a student and while you’re somewhere in the middle of your career. Everything just kind of… goes. And instead of trying to pick a direction for it, we just roll with the routine. We don’t even pay attention to the people we’re meeting on a regular basis and our friendships become stagnant.

Wow, how frikkin’ depressing is that!

The big key that we’re missing in all this is the people we skip out on the chance to get to know. This can be anyone – your Uber driver (some of the friendliest people I’ve ever met), the girl at the coffee shop you frequent everyday, the guy who takes your lunch order, the mail man, etc. (Keep in mind, this is not a running list of people you MAY have the opportunity to sleep with). Getting to know these people COULD potentially break you out of your routine since you might find yourself in a whole new circle of friends with a whole new set of places to frequent.

We often underestimate the role that other people can play in our lives. Who we meet and choose to spend our time with could determine way more than just where we go on Friday and Saturday nights. They could be the reason we get a new job, switch careers, or the reason we meet our future spouses. Each person you meet brings something to your life. Sometimes it’s a lesson to be as far away from that person forever as possible. But other times, it’s that we’re beautiful people with a lot to share and have the potential to bring value to the lives of the people we meet.

Get to know your neighbors – partially so maybe they won’t kill you – but also because they might be really awesome people!

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A List of Complaints from A Dog Owner

February 24, 2014 Leave a Comment

Recently I’ve been feeling like every time I take my dog outside something absolutely ridiculous happens that makes me want to hit someone over the head with my least favorite accounting textbook. So below is a list of “fun facts” as well the ridiculous experiences that correspond.

1. Dogs can tell that you’re human. Some dude seriously barked at my dog, several times, and then asked me why my dog wasn’t responding to his barking and said there’s something wrong with my dog. No dude, there’s something wrong with you. Dogs can tell that the bark coming from your mouth is not one that belongs to another dog. #thatsnothowitworksbro.

2. I know my dog better than you know my dog. So my dog is a mixed breed, he’s a cockalier (half american cocker spaniel and half king charles cavalier spaniel) but he looks very close to a regular cocker. People often try to convince me that my dog is some sort of weird mix. “He’s not a cocker at all! He’s a german shepherd shitsu!” What?! Are you blind? I also get “OMG we have the same dog, don’t you just love poodles?”. Have you looked at your dog lately, because my dog looks about as much like a poodle as your dog does a doberman. 

3. Your shitty little rugrat needs training, not my dog. If your little weasel sticks his disgusting fingers into my dog’s eyes or mouth then he will get bitten and it’s not my dog that needs help… it’s you and your child. Put that thing on a leash, will ya? If your kid squeals, at decibel levels that would wake dead people, why are you surprised that my dog is barking? If i could, I would bark at that level of irritation too. 

4. It is not my dog’s job to stay away from you, it is your job to stay away from my dog. If you’re afraid of my dog then walk away, cross the street, move aside… just pick something and do it but don’t stand there in the middle of the street and say “Can your dog move” . No, he’s a dog, he wants to strut in the middle of the street and he won’t move for your royally stupid self. 

5. My dog doesn’t HAVE to like you. Dogs, like many people, do not like every single person they meet. Sometimes, he will be very happy to hand you a paw and say hello and let you pet him. Other times, he just wants to get on with his walk and doesn’t care about your existence. Why are you offended? He doesn’t owe you anything! You’re actually nobody to him. Start feeding him, he’ll gain more interest, I promise.

6. Don’t feed my dog without my consent. I really never thought this would be a situation but I was walking by a restaurant the other day and some guy just threw his chicken wing at my dog. Without asking me or anything. So I picked it up with a plastic bag and handed it back to the guy and said “no, thank you”. Apparently I’m the asshole in this situation… he made sure to let me know. 

7. I like my dog better than I will ever potentially like you. I would throw you under a bus to save my dog. I’m just going to leave it at that. 

8. I will not tie my dog up for you. If you’re a store that doesn’t allow my dog to go in with me, for whatever reason, I simply won’t shop at your store. There are other stores that will be happy to have my dog and I as patrons and those are the ones I will frequent. Usually, I don’t ever stop by stores on dog walks, but on the occasions that I absolutely can’t escape it, I already know the places in my neighborhood that know that they will simply charge me for anything my dog might ruin – it’s that simple. Plus, he never ruins anything meanwhile there’s a shitty little 7 year old knocking things off shelves and that’s not a problem at all! 

I think that’s all I have for today. Have any other dog owners experienced any frustrations lately?

 

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Be the Change you Want to see in People Around you

June 26, 2013 1 Comment

So I’ve clearly altered a famous quote in order to make a point. Seems legit.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship and how seemingly my definition of friendship is different from most people’s. I think my friends have certain obligations, such as always being honest with me… no matter what. Telling me things that may be hurtful. Looking out for my best interest, even when I’m not around. Being able to handle whatever I have to say. Understanding who I am as a person and defending me to others if necessary. This is just a short list… seemingly somewhat like a job description. But that’s really how I view friendship, and I think if someone wants to be your friend they should be willing to make certain they’re willing to take on that job. It’s totally optional, but once you take the job… you should be good at it.

I think that’s where the issues come in. When you befriend someone, or develop any relationship with anyone, you assume that individual is going to be good at it. That’s not usually the case, and there are usually hurdles to over come. That being said, if you want to continue being my friend and DEVELOP the relationship so it’s not like we’re just drinking buddies, then you will hear my shit, understand what I have to say and make changes accordingly. And I will do the same for you… assuming I value you enough to continue the friendship/relationship. Sometimes, you come to a cross roads – you realize that someone in your life doesn’t ‘qualify’ to be your friend. That’s okay. But it’s important to be honest… and realize that this person no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. Then, you should cut them free (so they can be someone else’s shitty friend & no longer your problem!)

I think romantical relationships (yes, romantical is now a word) and friendships are not that different. If you want someone in your life you will move heaven and earth to keep that person in your life. No one can force you to change, but if someone is valuable enough… you won’t need to be forced.

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For All the Love in the World!

February 14, 2013 Leave a Comment

First of all, HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY EVERYONE!

Secondly, I will never understand people who loathe this holiday. And you all know as well as I do, that people who dislike Valentine’s Day are bitter as hell about it! Even if you’re single, what is there to be so angry about? It’s not like the only love in your life comes from a significant other. In fact, some of the greatest love comes from friends, family & pets! Boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go in your life but the people you generally love every single day of your life – those people are likely to be around for a long time. So APPRECIATE them & maybe buy them some chocolate!

I really enjoy Valentine’s day and not because I’m in a relationship or anything but because Love is everywhere! It’s a day dedicated to celebrating the magical concept that is Love. People go out of their way to do nice things for people simply because of it and that’s amazing! It feels like everyone slows down a bit just to enjoy one of the most amazing feelings and experiences that this world has to offer! Plus flowers and chocolate are EVERYWHERE and just seeing someone carrying a bouquet makes my heart smile.

 

I hope everyone stops today and thinks about all the love that’s all around them. You have so much to be thankful for!

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