The Falsehood of Overwork

August 19, 2017 1 Comment

We currently live in a society where we’re OBSESSED with being overworked. We wear it like a badge of honor. I’ve had close friends in various programs such as veterinary school or law school competing about who has it “worse”. Who is more tired? More exhausted? Putting in more hours? Who has a bigger work load? Who is putting in the most hours? Oh you worked 12 hours today! I’m on my 12th day of 15 hour shifts… TAKE THAT!

We take this obsession with overwork and bring it into every area of our lives. Yoga and dance are seen by people as being for the “weak”. We’ve developed military style workouts – “boot camp” – and managed to convince people that they need these in order to be healthy. Instead of focusing on making people enjoy what they’re doing when they manage to find a few hours in their days to focus on self-care… we’re basically making people beat themselves to a pulp and hate every second of it. More misery? MORE POWER!

Moms are competing as to who has it worse every day. Arguing over whose husband is messiest, or how much harder it is to be a stay at home mom, or vice versa.

So you go from over worked in the office, to doing unnecessarily intense workouts, to arguing with your friends during your down time over how awful your husband is.

Why the actual F*CK are we competing for who has it worse? Why are we so excited to be bragging about things we should be complaining about?

Any one who has been at all looped into the science coming out of exercise studies will tell you that there is no dramatic difference to your health if you workout just enough to get your heart rate into the aerobic zone for 30 minutes a day, versus being ready to throw up at the end of your workout. I’m willing to bet theres quite a difference when it comes to your mental sanity.

We can expand this to nearly every single facet of our lives.

Instead of focusing on all the ways we’re miserable in our lives, and making every aspect of our lives a competition for being more over worked than the person next to us. Why don’t we step back and realize that none of these things are making us fulfilled.

That’s a word we don’t talk about enough. Fulfillment.

How many of the things you’re doing in your life are actually making you feel fulfilled? How much of your lifestyle is actually feeding your soul?

 

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Word of the Year: Purpose

December 13, 2016 Leave a Comment

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I spent too large a portion of 2016 absolutely hating my job – large Broker Dealer bank world will do that to you – shout out to Merrill Lynch for being a complete sh*t hole! Then I spent an even larger portion finding a company that does Finance right, learning all the ins-and-outs, finding my groove, and am finally at the point where I love what I do 45+ hours a week. YAY ME!

I also spent a good portion of the year becoming a real “health” expert. Whatever that might mean to you. I’m a certified health coach thanks to IIN and on top of that I’ve taken course after course about eating to heal various disorders, eating to lose weight, eating to gain weight, eating to compete in figure related competitions, eating to fix imbalances in the body and ultimately, eating to be our own best selves – it certainly looks different for everyone and it’s been an amazingly fulfilling learning experience. I’ve even been fortunate enough to coach some amazing people and watch them transform. Pretty amazing stuff. YAY ME!

One thing down and the rest of my life to go.

Somewhere along the way I realized that although I absolutely love what I do – both full time and part time for work, I don’t have something I’m doing on a regular basis that would feel my soul.

I love helping people organize their financial lives and I love helping people solve their health and life problems in general. And although it is ABSOLUTELY a form of soul food to help others, it is entirely a practice dependent on having others to help. I felt for a while like the gaping hole was growing bigger because I was doing nothing that depended on me and only me and helped me to feeeeeeeeel goooooood!

Even though I’m a health coach, I’m not a big fan of working out. I loathe the gym. I’ve worked with personal trainers, some of which charged way too much for standing around at the gym and watching me jump rope while they texted, I’ve taken classes, I’ve done the whole gym shebang… and it’s just not fun for me. I just can’t spend the few free hours in a week doing something I absolutely detest.

Finance is not really something I can do in my free time. I definitely help others around me organize their finances and coach and teach them elements of finance every chance I get… until they’re likely more tired of hearing it than I am of saying it. But, as I mentioned, it’s hard to make a pass time out of this.

At some point I realized that a life filled with wonderful work that I love is not quite enough to satisfy my heart. Here came the thinking part; a list of things I enjoy, things I’m good at, and what I love:

  • Helping others
  • Reading
  • Buddhism
  • Yoga
  • Dancing
  • Being silly and childish
    • (Think swinging on the swing set at a playground and you’ll get the right idea)

I haven’t FULLY figured out what this means for my next year. BUT I’ve taken up Zumba classes on a regular basis and I’m doing Buti Yoga ( a form of Yoga that incorporates tribal dance, letting go of negative energy, and obviously.. yoga ).. I actually signed up to become a 200 hr RYT certified instructor in Buti Yoga, Vinyasa, and Bikram (hot) Yoga. I imagine I’m somewhere on the right track to feeding my soul.

A friend introduced me to this concept of doing a word of the year instead of a resolution so I chose the word “PURPOSE” for 2017. It seems to fit well with all the things I’ve managed to do this year to set myself up for a good next year, as well as all the things I’ve signed up for as we kick off the next year.

I’d love to hear what your word might be!

 

 

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What Are You Willing to Suffer For?

December 4, 2016 Leave a Comment

This question was asked in an interesting book I’m almost done reading and it got me thinking about all my past “efforts” that didn’t quite pan out the way I initially thought they would.

And the simple truth was that they weren’t significant enough to my life for me to suffer for them.

If you think about your past relationships, there were probably ones that you seemingly fought hard for, and others you walked away from. There were probably those that you felt absolutely tortured by but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave. Perhaps it was the quantity of time that you had already put in, or perhaps (like I have often done), you held on to the memories of good times that were long gone.

It’s interesting what we are willing to suffer for. If you think about the torture you probably endured in college, and then maybe in grad school, you’d be shocked to know how many people still stick around at jobs they hate after-the-fact. We suffer through decades of schooling to suffer through even more decades of awful work-life. And somehow, this isn’t considering insanity.

When it comes to our self-care we often neglect ourselves and then complain about the consequences of that neglect. Often, we’re simply stunned and amazed by the people who put hours upon hours of effort into their bodies at the gym – the truth is that they are willing to suffer for it, and we are not.

I’ve coached hundreds of people over the last few years and most have tried several different ‘diet’ programs, but most went back to their old habits. Why? Because they were only willing to suffer for a short time. Lifestyle changes take a prolonged amount of suffering before they become enjoyable and let’s be honest – eating cupcakes is easier and more enjoyable than doing burpees and eating kale.

Not that this is accurate or representative of anything large-scale study in particular but I polled some Facebook friends and some ladies in a group and asked what they did for themselves in the last year that made them the happiest. Most answers were like “finished college” “got a new job” “had a baby” “got certified in ____”. All of these things include suffering. In some way or form. But here’s the thing, it’s often the things we suffer for most that become the highlights of our lives. They become the shining stars and benchmarks against which all future efforts are measured. They often bring us into growth and change our lives in ways we could have hardly imagine when we started.

So next time, when someone asks “what do you want…”.. the real question should be “What are you willing to suffer for?”

Good question to ask while you ponder your New Year’s Resolutions for 2017!

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Your Social Identity

August 19, 2014 Leave a Comment

I feel like social identities have become a particularly interesting topic in the last few weeks as people have completed or not completed the ice bucket challenge for ALS. I have to disclaim the rest of this post by saying that I support absolutely any method of fundraising for charities that anyone can come up with! However, I think the point should be to ALSO raise awareness about the issues involved and I really don’t think that people know any more about ALS then they did before the challenge went viral.

I do think that people value their social identity more than they value money. 

What percentage of people completed the challenge (or have done a whole host of other things on Facebook) just to “save face” in front of their friends? I blatantly refused to do the challenge and donated money instead and got name-called. Really classy. 

I think I’ve seen interesting sides of people throughout all this. Obviously, I have friends who know exactly what it’s all about, why people are doing it and what is symbolizes and they donate $100 even after dumping ice on their heads – Those people get nothing but my applause. But I do hope that some people will become more AWARE in general. Aware of themselves if nothing else. Don’t let your internet persona change you and don’t do things just because “everyone is doing it”. Didn’t we learn anything in grade school?

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A List of Complaints from A Dog Owner

February 24, 2014 Leave a Comment

Recently I’ve been feeling like every time I take my dog outside something absolutely ridiculous happens that makes me want to hit someone over the head with my least favorite accounting textbook. So below is a list of “fun facts” as well the ridiculous experiences that correspond.

1. Dogs can tell that you’re human. Some dude seriously barked at my dog, several times, and then asked me why my dog wasn’t responding to his barking and said there’s something wrong with my dog. No dude, there’s something wrong with you. Dogs can tell that the bark coming from your mouth is not one that belongs to another dog. #thatsnothowitworksbro.

2. I know my dog better than you know my dog. So my dog is a mixed breed, he’s a cockalier (half american cocker spaniel and half king charles cavalier spaniel) but he looks very close to a regular cocker. People often try to convince me that my dog is some sort of weird mix. “He’s not a cocker at all! He’s a german shepherd shitsu!” What?! Are you blind? I also get “OMG we have the same dog, don’t you just love poodles?”. Have you looked at your dog lately, because my dog looks about as much like a poodle as your dog does a doberman. 

3. Your shitty little rugrat needs training, not my dog. If your little weasel sticks his disgusting fingers into my dog’s eyes or mouth then he will get bitten and it’s not my dog that needs help… it’s you and your child. Put that thing on a leash, will ya? If your kid squeals, at decibel levels that would wake dead people, why are you surprised that my dog is barking? If i could, I would bark at that level of irritation too. 

4. It is not my dog’s job to stay away from you, it is your job to stay away from my dog. If you’re afraid of my dog then walk away, cross the street, move aside… just pick something and do it but don’t stand there in the middle of the street and say “Can your dog move” . No, he’s a dog, he wants to strut in the middle of the street and he won’t move for your royally stupid self. 

5. My dog doesn’t HAVE to like you. Dogs, like many people, do not like every single person they meet. Sometimes, he will be very happy to hand you a paw and say hello and let you pet him. Other times, he just wants to get on with his walk and doesn’t care about your existence. Why are you offended? He doesn’t owe you anything! You’re actually nobody to him. Start feeding him, he’ll gain more interest, I promise.

6. Don’t feed my dog without my consent. I really never thought this would be a situation but I was walking by a restaurant the other day and some guy just threw his chicken wing at my dog. Without asking me or anything. So I picked it up with a plastic bag and handed it back to the guy and said “no, thank you”. Apparently I’m the asshole in this situation… he made sure to let me know. 

7. I like my dog better than I will ever potentially like you. I would throw you under a bus to save my dog. I’m just going to leave it at that. 

8. I will not tie my dog up for you. If you’re a store that doesn’t allow my dog to go in with me, for whatever reason, I simply won’t shop at your store. There are other stores that will be happy to have my dog and I as patrons and those are the ones I will frequent. Usually, I don’t ever stop by stores on dog walks, but on the occasions that I absolutely can’t escape it, I already know the places in my neighborhood that know that they will simply charge me for anything my dog might ruin – it’s that simple. Plus, he never ruins anything meanwhile there’s a shitty little 7 year old knocking things off shelves and that’s not a problem at all! 

I think that’s all I have for today. Have any other dog owners experienced any frustrations lately?

 

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