Word of the Year: Purpose

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I spent too large a portion of 2016 absolutely hating my job – large Broker Dealer bank world will do that to you – shout out to Merrill Lynch for being a complete sh*t hole! Then I spent an even larger portion finding a company that does Finance right, learning all the ins-and-outs, finding my groove, and am finally at the point where I love what I do 45+ hours a week. YAY ME!

I also spent a good portion of the year becoming a real “health” expert. Whatever that might mean to you. I’m a certified health coach thanks to IIN and on top of that I’ve taken course after course about eating to heal various disorders, eating to lose weight, eating to gain weight, eating to compete in figure related competitions, eating to fix imbalances in the body and ultimately, eating to be our own best selves – it certainly looks different for everyone and it’s been an amazingly fulfilling learning experience. I’ve even been fortunate enough to coach some amazing people and watch them transform. Pretty amazing stuff. YAY ME!

One thing down and the rest of my life to go.

Somewhere along the way I realized that although I absolutely love what I do – both full time and part time for work, I don’t have something I’m doing on a regular basis that would feel my soul.

I love helping people organize their financial lives and I love helping people solve their health and life problems in general. And although it is ABSOLUTELY a form of soul food to help others, it is entirely a practice dependent on having others to help. I felt for a while like the gaping hole was growing bigger because I was doing nothing that depended on me and only me and helped me to feeeeeeeeel goooooood!

Even though I’m a health coach, I’m not a big fan of working out. I loathe the gym. I’ve worked with personal trainers, some of which charged way too much for standing around at the gym and watching me jump rope while they texted, I’ve taken classes, I’ve done the whole gym shebang… and it’s just not fun for me. I just can’t spend the few free hours in a week doing something I absolutely detest.

Finance is not really something I can do in my free time. I definitely help others around me organize their finances and coach and teach them elements of finance every chance I get… until they’re likely more tired of hearing it than I am of saying it. But, as I mentioned, it’s hard to make a pass time out of this.

At some point I realized that a life filled with wonderful work that I love is not quite enough to satisfy my heart. Here came the thinking part; a list of things I enjoy, things I’m good at, and what I love:

  • Helping others
  • Reading
  • Buddhism
  • Yoga
  • Dancing
  • Being silly and childish
    • (Think swinging on the swing set at a playground and you’ll get the right idea)

I haven’t FULLY figured out what this means for my next year. BUT I’ve taken up Zumba classes on a regular basis and I’m doing Buti Yoga ( a form of Yoga that incorporates tribal dance, letting go of negative energy, and obviously.. yoga ).. I actually signed up to become a 200 hr RYT certified instructor in Buti Yoga, Vinyasa, and Bikram (hot) Yoga. I imagine I’m somewhere on the right track to feeding my soul.

A friend introduced me to this concept of doing a word of the year instead of a resolution so I chose the word “PURPOSE” for 2017. It seems to fit well with all the things I’ve managed to do this year to set myself up for a good next year, as well as all the things I’ve signed up for as we kick off the next year.

I’d love to hear what your word might be!

 

 

What Are You Willing to Suffer For?

This question was asked in an interesting book I’m almost done reading and it got me thinking about all my past “efforts” that didn’t quite pan out the way I initially thought they would.

And the simple truth was that they weren’t significant enough to my life for me to suffer for them.

If you think about your past relationships, there were probably ones that you seemingly fought hard for, and others you walked away from. There were probably those that you felt absolutely tortured by but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave. Perhaps it was the quantity of time that you had already put in, or perhaps (like I have often done), you held on to the memories of good times that were long gone.

It’s interesting what we are willing to suffer for. If you think about the torture you probably endured in college, and then maybe in grad school, you’d be shocked to know how many people still stick around at jobs they hate after-the-fact. We suffer through decades of schooling to suffer through even more decades of awful work-life. And somehow, this isn’t considering insanity.

When it comes to our self-care we often neglect ourselves and then complain about the consequences of that neglect. Often, we’re simply stunned and amazed by the people who put hours upon hours of effort into their bodies at the gym – the truth is that they are willing to suffer for it, and we are not.

I’ve coached hundreds of people over the last few years and most have tried several different ‘diet’ programs, but most went back to their old habits. Why? Because they were only willing to suffer for a short time. Lifestyle changes take a prolonged amount of suffering before they become enjoyable and let’s be honest – eating cupcakes is easier and more enjoyable than doing burpees and eating kale.

Not that this is accurate or representative of anything large-scale study in particular but I polled some Facebook friends and some ladies in a group and asked what they did for themselves in the last year that made them the happiest. Most answers were like “finished college” “got a new job” “had a baby” “got certified in ____”. All of these things include suffering. In some way or form. But here’s the thing, it’s often the things we suffer for most that become the highlights of our lives. They become the shining stars and benchmarks against which all future efforts are measured. They often bring us into growth and change our lives in ways we could have hardly imagine when we started.

So next time, when someone asks “what do you want…”.. the real question should be “What are you willing to suffer for?”

Good question to ask while you ponder your New Year’s Resolutions for 2017!

Look For a Partner

One of the most important things in a relationship is to always be on each other’s team.

This may seem obvious to some people but to others, the ones who always feel like they’re fighting a losing battle, to the ones that are in strained relationships, the ones who are ready to give up.. don’t. Just remember these very simple words:

You Are On The Same Side

It’s an incredibly easy concept to think about but an incredibly difficult one to put into practice. Especially once someone hurts us or we feel emotionally injured by them. We like to go searching for our pride instead of realizing that as teammates, you have to figure out what your points of tension are and work through them.. TOGETHER.

What makes a partner different than a soulmate or a lover? A partner is: A companion, a friend, a stable and secure individual who you can lean on, trust and depend on to help you through life. There is a mutual feeling of love and respect and you are both in sync with each others needs and wants. But that doesn’t happen instantly. It happens over time, through many open and honest and non-prideful conversations. It happens through happiness and joy and pain and a lot of love. And a lot of work.

Oftentimes we end up in these roller coaster ride relationships, the ones that eat away at our soul, and leave our hearts shattered. I’ve come to believe that those are absolutely necessary for our growth. I think you have to experience unbelievable heart-wrenching pain in order to properly experience unbelievably and wonderful blissful love. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself after all I’ve been through. Because none of the past seems to matter once you’re in that blissful state. Once you’ve found the right hand to hold, the right person to lean on and learn from, and the kind of love you always imagined but weren’t quite sure you’d ever find.

Wherever you go chasing for love; look for a hand to hold.. not a heart to grasp onto.