I was going to come up with a clever title for this post but then I decided to be abrupt… much like the topic I’m going to discuss.

If you don’t think that racism still exists – you’re ignorant. and stupid.. but mostly ignorant. It’s all around you and clear as well.. black and white. You can perhaps say that I know nothing on this topic as I’m a white woman. You fail. I’ve dated outside my race – much to the dismay of my white peers and most of my friends.

There’s nothing that gets either race as angry as someone dating someone of a different race. For some reason, even though everyone is all -hush hush- about it.. it’s still socially unacceptable. Even from the point of view of someone who “admires” you. Which may be the most irritating of all – the people that have told me “I admire what you’re doing, you’re so strong” as if I’m overcoming cancer or something. It’s absolutely absurd and necessary for people to discuss openly.

Just to be exact, I’m not only talking about whites dating blacks, I’m also talking about whites dating Asians, or blacks dating Asians, or even Asians dating other types of Asians (you know China and Japan aren’t the only Asian countries, right?).

There are also so many factors at play when thinking about an inter-racial/inter-ethnic relationship. First and foremost is the background of the individuals. Now, I can admit that I grew up in a relatively racist family, mostly because there wasn’t anyone but white people in the Soviet Union and my family was just shocked by the various different types of people that exist in the world when they arrived to the US. Imagine reading a book about a country filled with different types of unicorns and then actually coming to that country – it would be a pretty radical change. The younger generation obviously adapts easier to these changes.. good luck convincing my grandparents that we’re all the same though, they won’t buy it. On the other hand, if you aren’t white, chances are your family or even maybe you have experienced blatant racism at some point in their lives, which would obviously create a mistrust of white people and the prejudice would grow from there.

Next, you have what’s probably the biggest barrier… FAMILY. You can be the least racist or prejudice individual possible but if you bring someone into your home who is of the opposite race and your family isn’t comfortable with that – forget it.. just call it quits. My ex-boyfriend was from Guyana… my family looked at him like he was a crocodile with 2 heads. That obviously doesn’t make someone comfortable and he (appropriately) felt unwelcome in my home. And I felt awkward having him there. One of my friends dated a Chinese- American. He was one of those ghetto Asians – but his family obviously wasn’t. So anytime she’d be at his house she’d feel out of place… obviously the second most comforting place in the world aside from your own home should be your significant other’s home.. it puts a bit of a damper on the relationship when that’s not the case.

After the family issue comes the Public. Getting strange looks on the train from just about everyone is enough to make you go crazy. Actually crazy. Because if you care for someone you don’t feel like what you’re doing is wrong. But apparently everyone else does. It’s like you have the plague, a vicious plague that creates some scary looking bumps on your face that you just want to run away from and hibernate forever. Ok – that was a bit dramatic, but I think you get the point. So either people stare at you like you’re crazy or they look at you in admiration – like you’re accomplishing something spectacular by dating outside your race. Neither one is particularly appealing or appreciated.

All of these points lead to a very significant one; Dating outside your ethnicity also means that the person grew up differently, with different values, different priorities, and a different lifestyle. All of these things will inevitably impact your relationship. Regardless of how much you agree on, you can’t change your upbringing and you can’t change your family. Dating someone within your own race is significantly easier- especially if they coincidentally happen to be from the same country, ethnic/religious background and everything else. That doesn’t mean you should be closed minded though.

Just because something has been done a certain way for a long time, doesn’t mean it’s the right way, the best way or the only way.