Okay I get asked A LOT of questions about Meditating.

Most people cannot sit in silence for longer than 35 seconds before 17 different things itch and feel wrong and they just get antsy.

I’m even ONE of those people.

Now, to be fair, the average person is not a Monk. Nor, will anyone ever become a monk – for most of us that is. And while I’m a yoga instructor – I’m not “woo-woo”. You all know what I mean. I am not stuck in outer spiritual space somewhere acting high and mighty. I’m on Earth. Walking and playing and doing and dealing with life just like all of you. So honestly, I don’t buy into the sitting in silence nonsense that people claim they’re doing. Most of them are probably sitting there getting anxiety over the fact that they definitely aren’t sitting in silence.

That being said, I meditate every single day. I spend MOST of my day in a meditative state to be honest.

Let me take this time to eliminate one very important myth: Meditation is not sitting and thinking nothing.

Meditation is being conscious enough to acknowledge ALL of your thoughts, and not act on every single one. To be able to see everything your mind is showing you and to just view it all. Meditation is the process of becoming an observer of your mind. Getting CURIOUS about the things you think and realizing YOU ARE NOT those thoughts – you are an observer of those thoughts, and the ability to observe them means you are NOT them. YOU continue to exist even when those thoughts change.

So yes, I meditate every single day. I meditate ALL the time. I meditate every time I’m working on anything. I simply observe my thoughts and choose whether to entertain them or not.

Essentially, I’ve taken a seat.

I have a front row seat, to be exact, to all the thoughts running through my mind but I am not allowing the thoughts to run my life. I just observe the voice in my head.

The reason this is all so powerful?

Once you observe the thoughts… you get to choose which thoughts to believe.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE !

Remembering all the good events that happened, new friendships developed, milestones reached, successes that flourished, and inner self growth. Treasured moments…

Remember all the bad things but only for a moment as lessons that you learned not to repeat, and any negativity to be banished, not to be continued into tomorrow. Forgive. Let it all go for your own inner peace. If you want to hold on to something, hold onto the love for yourself.

To be clear, I don’t mean your personality.

I mean “PERSONALITIES”.

You know the type – the person at the office who constantly rubs you the wrong way with how they handle everything. The person who can’t help but behave unprofessionally and lets their PERSONALITY become everyone else’s problem.

I have the fortune of working with such a person.

To be clear – I really do mean, fortune. Because I feel like it has taught me so much, and specifically, I have learned so much about myself in the process. Not only am I constantly challenged to behave professionally on my own, even though I constantly want to snap and give this individual my top-notch fierce BROOKLYN attitude, but I am also challenged to see beyond the facade that comes through and see what the real issues are. The fixable ones. The ones I can possibly help with.

I’ve also, coincidentally, learned that I am extremely patient. That I am able to put my instincts and reflex thoughts aside, and speak from the heart. I’ve learned about my  impeccable ability to ease conflict and to comfort people who display anger, but are really seeking understanding.

Of course, none of this excuses anyone’s actions. It doesn’t mean it’s okay for anyone to take their personality out on anyone else. But it does speak volumes about how much we can control in our own lives – even when it’s someone else’s problems shining through. We get to choose whether we HEAR what someone says, or whether we LISTEN. We can choose to internalize what they say or to have it bounce off of us. We can be the person in our lives where the negativity comes to die.

Is there someone in your life that’s challenging you?

Yes, to be clear… “af” stands for “AS FUCK”

You’re welcome for my starting this post with a curse word. I’m all about keeping it classy.

Very rarely in my life have I had the pleasure of being TIRED and HAPPY.. like at the same time. I’ve spent many years living in an “exhausted” state where I literally felt like I was dragging myself to do each thing that was on my seemingly never-ending to do list. I’ve also spent time having a lot of fun, adventuring the world, going out, dancing, and etc and felt truly HAPPY.

But this week something clicked for me. I am both TIRED and absolutely ecstatic and happy. like so happy. Happy AF to be clear.

I realized that for the first time in a long time I’m genuinely engaged in all the moments of my day. I’m not moving through the motions and just showing up for work and doing my job and then going home and parking in front of the TV or doing some workout. Instead, I’m mindfully approaching each part of my day. I’ve been noticing and acknowledging the impact that my work is having on other people’s lives. It’s not so much about the “doing” anymore, it’s about the “being”. I’ve embraced all the things I do and all the things I accomplish as being blessings in my life. I GET to wake up and go to work each day. I GET to teach yoga classes after work. I GET to talk to dozens of clients from all walks of life and help them solve their problems.

I’ve been waking up earlier and working later. Partially out of necessity, but also out of willpower – I GET to do more for more people and change more lives! By the time I go home each day, the only thing left for me to do is collapse, but instead I find myself thinking of my clients and thinking about all the ways to make the next day as fruitful as possible – the juices seem to never stop flowing in my head.

I’ve studied personal development rather excessively for the better part of the last 3.5 years… but I never felt it in my body until this week.

There’s energy in living and breathing and helping others every single day.

There’s energy in being tired.

There is immense power in standing in Integrity even when no one is watching. There’s power in doing the “right” thing.
I’m putting “right” into quotations because so many people don’t understand what this means, and it usually seems clear to me. So let me clarify: there is POWER in doing what is BEST for people around you, even if that’s not necessarily what seems best in the moment for yourself.

My examples regarding this stem from so many of my own experiences. I currently do 3 things for income: I’m a Certified Financial Planner(TM) Professional, I’m a network marketer, and I’m a yoga instructor. I have a lot going on, and for better or worse, in all my income producing activities, I regularly encounter those that I consider to be doing certain things at a lower than optimal Integrity level.

Being in finance for the last 8 years and having worked at a large brokerage firm, I often encountered people who are clearly not serving the interests of their clients. There are so many investment products out there and so many advisors who are pushing those products that have higher commission, rather than products that a client actually needs or would be cheaper for the client. Don’t even let me get started on Life Insurance and Annuities! There’s no product that’s the best solution ever on the face of the earth for all 7 billion people who live on it! 

Maybe I take this Integrity thing too seriously, but honestly, I’d rather do right by the client and their family than line my own pockets. I even go as far as telling people when it makes sense and doesn’t make sense to spend the money on a financial planner! 

You may be sitting there and saying “this girl really sends people away instead of collecting fees from them?”

Yes, yes I do. 
Because I’d rather you come back to me when it makes sense for us to work together than waste money you don’t even have. I wholly believe that people want to work with honest people.

Don’t be afraid to stand in Integrity. Even when it’s hard, because it will pay off in the long run! 

Often times we hear people speak about spreading good energy or karma or my the new favorite thing: “good vibes only”. But what does that even mean?

Does it count as good vibes if you’re wishing people the best but are secretly jealous of their success? Or if you’re not jealous but you’re generating negative self-talk in your head as a result of their success?

Good vibes can’t come from people who have bad energy, especially bad energy towards themselves. If you’re constantly talking harshly to yourself, secretly judging people behind their backs, or just being incongruent with the face you’re showing others and the true face that is YOU… you’re not spreading good vibes.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting you should be negative towards people. What I’m suggesting is that you monitor the energy within you because that’s the real energy that you show to the world. Energy healers call this your “aura”, it is the true energy flowing within you that can become discolored or muddy when there’s blockages in your energy centers.

The key to spreading that good Juju everywhere you go? Start with yourself first!

I’m willing to bet that when most people hear that someone has attended a Tony Robbins event there’s a HIGH likelihood that an eye roll is involved and then it’s inevitably followed by something along the lines of:

“so are you all happy all the time now? rainbows an unicorns everywhere?”

How about a REALITY check. There’s actually Rainbows and Unicorns coming out of my ass every time I shake it. BOOM.

Real talk: Tony Robbins is not the positivism guy. Sorry to burst that bubble.

Tony is the get off your back side and make your life amazing guy. He’s the high energy guy. He’s the guy that says that you are the only person holding yourself back from the life you deserve. He’s ALSO the one that says it’s never going to be easy…. it’s just going to be possible. I think that’s the biggest misunderstanding about personal development over all. People think it’s all about how to be happy. It’s not, it’s about how to grow yourself to become the person who is able to achieve everything that’s in your heart to achieve. The person you NEED to become to chase your dreams and your passions. You just need to know a bit of Tony’s story to realize he’s real – he went from having no food, and living in an abusive home, having his mom get re-married 4+ times, and being starved and beaten, to having a net worth of over $500 Million. He runs 12 companies in over 95 countries. When he speaks, you should probably shut the hole in your face and listen.

The reality is that he didn’t just become happy and suddenly life became magical. He chose who he was going to be and then worked his ass off every day to get there.

We all get to choose our hard.

Yes, eating healthy and working out is HARD. You know what else is hard? Being fat, unhealthy, on medications, and needing knee or back surgery. Which HARD would you prefer?

Is it hard to start your own business? Absolutely. Is it hard to be in a miserable mid-level job that drains your energy and your soul every single day for 40+ years? You better bet it is.

The key on making in through your goals is to just keep going. To try new things. To try an approach that’s unfamiliar or intimidating. To keep learning and growing. We all choose our hard every single day. You can choose mediocrity or success. There’s some level of discomfort that occurs in your body as you move from being stagnant or mediocre to making difficult choices every single day that will propel you closer to your goals. But is it worth it? If you had to be UNCOMFORTABLE for a period of 3, 5, 10 years to end up having the life you only ever dreamed of.. would it worth it to you?

I’m willing to bet that answer is YES.

I felt I had to take a minute to really talk about this show… because while there are so many things we can learn from it, I feel we have to learn the RIGHT things.

First of all, let me just say that I relate to Hannah Baker more than I would like to admit. I also got voted “best ass” sometime in Junior High School, and again High School. The number of times someone tried to “compliment” me by asking if I was Spanish or a mix baby because of my behind is too many to count. The number of times I’d been grabbed by the rear end before I turned 18 is in the 100+ range.. and I assure you, I did nothing but exist to get this attention.

Our culture and our schools are so SO sexualized, I’m not even sure what could be done about it at this point. I look back now at the pictures I posted on MySpace or Whimit (throw back) and think.. holy cr*p.. I would never want my teenage daughter to be that way. Hindsight is always 20/20 and it’s true that none of this matters any more. But I remember it all seeming so HUGE when I was a teenager, and definitely overwhelming at times. I remember feeling like I had to be a certain way and behave a certain way, and I remember it feeling like it was never going to end. The thing that makes the difference is that I really had and have people in my life I could talk to and real friendships that got me through all of it.

Hannah Baker did not.

Our guidance counselors are NOT trained to deal with everything that goes on now. My high school guidance counselor was so nice and sweet but had no concept of how to advise on anything besides applying for college and choosing classes. I once tried to talk to her about something real and she said “I’m not here to be your friend or parent, at the age of 15, you should be able to talk to someone else in your life.” Great, thanks.

I know I’ve personalized and internalized a lot of this show. But the truth is (and I’m willing to bet that) most women I went to school with can relate to this to a great extent. I’m also willing to bet that no matter how “cool” anyone was, they still dealt with a lot of messed up issues and occurrences. Popularity doesn’t award you a free pass around assholes.

I think the biggest thing we can glean from this show is to all be better adults. To make sure we aren’t judging someone without knowing what’s going on with them. To stop getting so caught up in our own lives and our problems that we forget how to be caring humans. Sometimes a hug is all someone needs.

Lastly, I’m just going to throw this in there… the suicide helpline is actually useful. If it feels like you have no one… call them. They will help you find a reason to stay.

Call 1-800-273-8255

Most people who know me know that I’ve spent the last 3 years or so REALLY working on myself.

Hard stop for a quick LOL.

Truth time: I’ve spent the last 3 years REALLY spending a lot of time listening to experts on self-development and self-improvement and never doing the work.

Here’s the hard reality I’m facing today – I’ve spent plenty of money, plenty of time, and plenty of energy getting really good at being able to tell other people ALL the things they should do to better themselves, solve their problems, and balance their energies without actually doing any of the work myself.

Cool.

The reality is that self-development is no joke. It is not just listening to an hour of Tony Robbins a day and eating more vegetables. It is not just journaling and meditating and doing the yoga asanas. Self-development is looking at your life in a mirror and finding all the shit you haven’t worked out and actually working through it. And let me tell you, there’s no audiobook out there that’s going to help with that… YOU (or in this case, I) have to actually put in the time, energy, work, and really difficult process of working through it.

I’m doing my 200 hr yoga RYT and we started working on our chakras.. let me tell you… Root to Crown, I have an imbalance in every single chakra.. because the only self-development work I’ve done has been artificial. I’ve changed a habit. I’ve changed my self talk. I’ve changed the verbiage I use when communicating with others.. but I haven’t actually worked through WHY my previous habits were there in the first place.

There are so many skeptics out there related to the self-development field and I get it now.. there’s also a lot of people out there putting on a fake smile every day acting like they have their life together, handing out advice, and judging others, but going home and crying every time they look in the mirror or have to spend any type of alone time with themselves.

It’s not about what you write, what you say, and how many people you hug. It’s about your energy exchange with the Universe and the only way to fix that, is to fix the energies flowing inside of you.

Work through it.. so you can Let That Shit Go.