Word of the Year: Purpose

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I spent too large a portion of 2016 absolutely hating my job – large Broker Dealer bank world will do that to you – shout out to Merrill Lynch for being a complete sh*t hole! Then I spent an even larger portion finding a company that does Finance right, learning all the ins-and-outs, finding my groove, and am finally at the point where I love what I do 45+ hours a week. YAY ME!

I also spent a good portion of the year becoming a real “health” expert. Whatever that might mean to you. I’m a certified health coach thanks to IIN and on top of that I’ve taken course after course about eating to heal various disorders, eating to lose weight, eating to gain weight, eating to compete in figure related competitions, eating to fix imbalances in the body and ultimately, eating to be our own best selves – it certainly looks different for everyone and it’s been an amazingly fulfilling learning experience. I’ve even been fortunate enough to coach some amazing people and watch them transform. Pretty amazing stuff. YAY ME!

One thing down and the rest of my life to go.

Somewhere along the way I realized that although I absolutely love what I do – both full time and part time for work, I don’t have something I’m doing on a regular basis that would feel my soul.

I love helping people organize their financial lives and I love helping people solve their health and life problems in general. And although it is ABSOLUTELY a form of soul food to help others, it is entirely a practice dependent on having others to help. I felt for a while like the gaping hole was growing bigger because I was doing nothing that depended on me and only me and helped me to feeeeeeeeel goooooood!

Even though I’m a health coach, I’m not a big fan of working out. I loathe the gym. I’ve worked with personal trainers, some of which charged way too much for standing around at the gym and watching me jump rope while they texted, I’ve taken classes, I’ve done the whole gym shebang… and it’s just not fun for me. I just can’t spend the few free hours in a week doing something I absolutely detest.

Finance is not really something I can do in my free time. I definitely help others around me organize their finances and coach and teach them elements of finance every chance I get… until they’re likely more tired of hearing it than I am of saying it. But, as I mentioned, it’s hard to make a pass time out of this.

At some point I realized that a life filled with wonderful work that I love is not quite enough to satisfy my heart. Here came the thinking part; a list of things I enjoy, things I’m good at, and what I love:

  • Helping others
  • Reading
  • Buddhism
  • Yoga
  • Dancing
  • Being silly and childish
    • (Think swinging on the swing set at a playground and you’ll get the right idea)

I haven’t FULLY figured out what this means for my next year. BUT I’ve taken up Zumba classes on a regular basis and I’m doing Buti Yoga ( a form of Yoga that incorporates tribal dance, letting go of negative energy, and obviously.. yoga ).. I actually signed up to become a 200 hr RYT certified instructor in Buti Yoga, Vinyasa, and Bikram (hot) Yoga. I imagine I’m somewhere on the right track to feeding my soul.

A friend introduced me to this concept of doing a word of the year instead of a resolution so I chose the word “PURPOSE” for 2017. It seems to fit well with all the things I’ve managed to do this year to set myself up for a good next year, as well as all the things I’ve signed up for as we kick off the next year.

I’d love to hear what your word might be!

 

 

What Are You Willing to Suffer For?

This question was asked in an interesting book I’m almost done reading and it got me thinking about all my past “efforts” that didn’t quite pan out the way I initially thought they would.

And the simple truth was that they weren’t significant enough to my life for me to suffer for them.

If you think about your past relationships, there were probably ones that you seemingly fought hard for, and others you walked away from. There were probably those that you felt absolutely tortured by but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave. Perhaps it was the quantity of time that you had already put in, or perhaps (like I have often done), you held on to the memories of good times that were long gone.

It’s interesting what we are willing to suffer for. If you think about the torture you probably endured in college, and then maybe in grad school, you’d be shocked to know how many people still stick around at jobs they hate after-the-fact. We suffer through decades of schooling to suffer through even more decades of awful work-life. And somehow, this isn’t considering insanity.

When it comes to our self-care we often neglect ourselves and then complain about the consequences of that neglect. Often, we’re simply stunned and amazed by the people who put hours upon hours of effort into their bodies at the gym – the truth is that they are willing to suffer for it, and we are not.

I’ve coached hundreds of people over the last few years and most have tried several different ‘diet’ programs, but most went back to their old habits. Why? Because they were only willing to suffer for a short time. Lifestyle changes take a prolonged amount of suffering before they become enjoyable and let’s be honest – eating cupcakes is easier and more enjoyable than doing burpees and eating kale.

Not that this is accurate or representative of anything large-scale study in particular but I polled some Facebook friends and some ladies in a group and asked what they did for themselves in the last year that made them the happiest. Most answers were like “finished college” “got a new job” “had a baby” “got certified in ____”. All of these things include suffering. In some way or form. But here’s the thing, it’s often the things we suffer for most that become the highlights of our lives. They become the shining stars and benchmarks against which all future efforts are measured. They often bring us into growth and change our lives in ways we could have hardly imagine when we started.

So next time, when someone asks “what do you want…”.. the real question should be “What are you willing to suffer for?”

Good question to ask while you ponder your New Year’s Resolutions for 2017!

Your Social Identity

I feel like social identities have become a particularly interesting topic in the last few weeks as people have completed or not completed the ice bucket challenge for ALS. I have to disclaim the rest of this post by saying that I support absolutely any method of fundraising for charities that anyone can come up with! However, I think the point should be to ALSO raise awareness about the issues involved and I really don’t think that people know any more about ALS then they did before the challenge went viral.

I do think that people value their social identity more than they value money. 

What percentage of people completed the challenge (or have done a whole host of other things on Facebook) just to “save face” in front of their friends? I blatantly refused to do the challenge and donated money instead and got name-called. Really classy. 

I think I’ve seen interesting sides of people throughout all this. Obviously, I have friends who know exactly what it’s all about, why people are doing it and what is symbolizes and they donate $100 even after dumping ice on their heads – Those people get nothing but my applause. But I do hope that some people will become more AWARE in general. Aware of themselves if nothing else. Don’t let your internet persona change you and don’t do things just because “everyone is doing it”. Didn’t we learn anything in grade school?

In the name of God & All that is Holy!

I realize that this post may offend some people. So I apologize in advance, and would generally appreciate the feedback and input of those that may be offended. And for the record, I don’t believe in God or any written religion of any sort. The bible, torah, and any other book you can come up with are all very well-written fairy tales to me. I believe you should be a good and moral person in your present life on earth because that’s the right thing to do, not because you’re going to some magical place in your after life. Furthermore, I believe that religion is just no longer needed in society. I believe it was ‘created’ as a way to maintain social order and prevent humans from killing and raping each other non-stop. But now we have government for that. Prison in the present life somehow seems like a bigger threat than Hell in a possible and uncertain ‘next life’. On another note, Heaven must be crowded  – unless you believe everyone is a sinner – in which case…. Hell must be crowded.

Now I must also tell you that my Mom is ready to throw a parade for me because my boyfriend happens to be Jewish. He’s about as Jewish as I am though- meaning not at all. And my mother doesn’t even know when Hanukkah is – but all that is somehow irrelevant because by tradition my family is Jewish and so I absolutely MUST marry a Jew. Us non-real Jews are not the only ones that think this way – although I will say that we’re one of the least accepting religions – I feel like if a Catholic marries a Christian or a Jew it’s not AS big of a deal to the Catholic family as long as the person getting married is happy.

See there’s a multitude of reasons as to why people think very similarly to the way my family thinks. My mom grew up in the Soviet Union, where you were ostracized for being Jewish – and so all the Jewish kids stuck together. And you end up marrying a Russian Jew because THAT’S ALL THERE IS. It’s not like there are a bunch of Canadian Catholics running around in Russia. There are no other people except Russians and there were only 2 religions – Russian Orthodox Christians and the Russian Jews. And that’s how it was in every country, you go to Italy and all you get is Italians. You go to Israel and you have the Muslims separate from the Israelites and that’s just about it. The point is that no other country is a melting pot, except the US. But we all come here and settle into little communities and create our own mini-countries. Now you have all the Russians in Brighton Beach and Sheepshead Bay. You have Poles in Greenpoint, the Spanish in Sunset Park and so on and so forth. So we take this “melting pot” and divide it and try to replicate what we’re claiming to want to get away from.

Now, as an immigrant, I was brought here for better opportunities. I still have yet to figure out why my family thinks that meeting people outside my cultural group is not part of that opportunity. Meeting people with different experiences, beliefs, religion, culture, food, dancing, music, etc.. ALL of that is opportunity. I personally think it’s foolish to avoid it and try to stick to your own little cultural circle. The world is more connected than ever before. I can ship things to people ACROSS THE WORLD in under 24 hours but I avoid the people a couple of blocks down because “they’re not my people” … that’s just an archaic way of thinking.

Part of growing up in a different country than your family grew up in is that you are bound to have to fight some battles; battles between the traditional and the logical.

For All the Love in the World!

First of all, HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY EVERYONE!

Secondly, I will never understand people who loathe this holiday. And you all know as well as I do, that people who dislike Valentine’s Day are bitter as hell about it! Even if you’re single, what is there to be so angry about? It’s not like the only love in your life comes from a significant other. In fact, some of the greatest love comes from friends, family & pets! Boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go in your life but the people you generally love every single day of your life – those people are likely to be around for a long time. So APPRECIATE them & maybe buy them some chocolate!

I really enjoy Valentine’s day and not because I’m in a relationship or anything but because Love is everywhere! It’s a day dedicated to celebrating the magical concept that is Love. People go out of their way to do nice things for people simply because of it and that’s amazing! It feels like everyone slows down a bit just to enjoy one of the most amazing feelings and experiences that this world has to offer! Plus flowers and chocolate are EVERYWHERE and just seeing someone carrying a bouquet makes my heart smile.

 

I hope everyone stops today and thinks about all the love that’s all around them. You have so much to be thankful for!

Broken Dreams

Since I was about 8 years old, all I ever wanted was a dog. I wanted a fluffy best friend to cuddle with. My parents/grandparents never allowed it & I had hamsters instead. Because you know – furry mouse… fluffy dog… similar enough?

Either way, I finally got a dog when I was 13 years old. December 5, 2003 we went in a huge snowstorm to pennsylvania to pick him up from Dana’s Cockers – http://www.danascockers.com – He had an issue he was born with – a stomach hernia – and was the last dog left. We basically raced there but it took over 5 hours & my parents were basically ready to agree to take any animal home, maybe even a bear.

We took home our one and only Hershey – also nick-named Tuz (Russian for Ace). He brightened up our home and filled it with love for so many years. Most honestly, our house is just a house but not a home without him in it. He was the most life-loving creature that I have ever encountered. He would run around chasing a small hand-ball all over the house no matter where he was. If you were eating – his face was in your plate and he would beg non-stop for food. He was also the smartest dog in the whole world. He understood everything, knew where his food was, knew what our schedule was – knew and understood everything. His favorite bones in the world were bully springs. He would chew them for hours and they were the best way to calm him down. He had a stuffed rabbit that he loved to hump – especially when we had guests over. He slept with us, woke up with us, and our lives were completely scheduled around him in every way. He was so loved, so cared for & honestly not a dog to us – he was a family member.

Unfortunately – on October 27th we got the bitter news that Hershey has cancerous tumors in his liver. We later took him to an oncologist to find out exactly what it was – carcinoma in the liver, spleen & lymph nodes. We took him for holistic treatment as traditional medicine was not an option.

You may have noticed that all this is in the past tense. That is because yesterday at 6:12 pm, Hershey crossed over the rainbow bridge. He went peacefully & in my arms. He passed exactly 5 minutes after I got home. We took him to our local vet and he will be cremated & returned to our home so he can forever be with us in the physical sense – he will definitely forever be with us in our hearts.

 

My one and only. My everything. The absolute love of my life . Rest in Peace.

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Everyone Has A Breaking Point

I used to be a different person. Somewhat. I used to have hate in my heart. I was competitive, I was aggressive, I was mean. There was a point in my life where self gratification – of the immediate variety – was all I cared about.

Then I woke up.

I realized that every single person affects your life – one way or another – every single interaction has contributed to the character you have and the person you are. More so, you affect other people, the mistakes you make in your own life will in one way or another come back to you and to the people you care about. Maybe not immediately, but in the long run – consequences for your actions are abundant in their strength and their variety.

There are people I know who haven’t woken up.

These people continue to (seemingly) think that the mistakes they make are forever forgivable. That no matter how many times they mess up, the people around them will continue to forgive. I’ve said this to some people in the my life before – everyone has a breaking point. It just takes one time, one thing – maybe it’s small, maybe it’s life changing. But there will be one thing that will be irreversible and unforgivable.

Now, I say this having forgiven people for the most ridiculous things, for evil things, for (as my friend M.T. would say) non-human things. Mostly because I still naively believe that everyone is good. That even in the most evil of people – the people that have done deliberately hurtful things – there is a good side. There is a good heart screaming out to be discovered.

However, my naiveness (yes, that’s now a word) ends with forgiveness. It doesn’t extend to forgetting. It doesn’t extend to continued tolerance of disgusting behavior. Because forgetting it would be the same as encouraging it. I appreciate all the people that have forgiven me for the things I’ve done wrong, but MORE SO I am grateful that it was never encouraged.

I will end this post on a positive note – your life’s work should be to have a good and warm heart. You should do and say good things to good people and be surrounded by goodness. It makes it easier to be happy and at the end of the day, what’s a life without happiness?