There’s No Such Thing as 50/50

Today I listened to a podcast which discussed how we have to be our best selves at all times, regardless of how people are to us.

This obviously got me thinking about relationships and I’ve realized that many relationship problems could be solved if we stopped being so reactive or responsive to what our counterpart does.

For instance, how many people start planning a bunch of stuff in their relationship and then stop because the other person never plans anything? And then you start arguing with them that they never plan anything? How often do people have arguments in their relationship that they stopped going out and doing stuff? Or that their significant other stopped being as affectionate or as loving or as giving?

Well, what if we stopped and evaluated everything that we stopped doing? What if we carried our end of the relationship as if the real relationship was 100/100 instead of the usual 50/50?

The truth is that we often stop doing things we’d normally be doing, or start behaving even slightly different because of how our partner behaves. Facebook is a great example of this – how many times do people who normally post their relationships all over FB suddenly get involved and there’s no trace? Why? Because the new person their with isn’t a big fan of putting things out there.

The answer is simply- who cares what the other person does?

You should want to be the best girlfriend or best boyfriend or best husband or best wife FOR YOU! For yourself! Why wouldn’t you want to be the absolute best person you can be in every situation?

This post is really loaded with questions, but they’re questions that we should all ask ourselves.

Would we be behaving the way we’re behaving regardless of any external factors?

The same is true for all the relationships in our lives. Are you friends with someone just because they’re friends with you, or you know them for a long time, or do they still bring value into your life? Do you still WANT them in your life?

So many parts of our lives are reactions or responses to what others are doing instead of actions that come from inside our hearts.

Never Stop Giving

I didn’t grow up in a family that was big on charitable giving – we gave old clothes and such away to family and friends and whatever was left went to the salvation army.. but that was about it.

Somehow, I ended up being a person that might be borderline obsessed with finding ways to give back. Partially because I honestly believe it’s my obligation but also because I think it’s just the good person thing to do.

I’m not here to patronize you about how you should donate toys to homeless children, volunteer at soup kitchens or anything else. Although, if you’re sitting in a warm place somewhere, reading this on your laptop or computer.. you should probably consider what you can do to give back.. even if it’s only dropping $1 occasionally in the bucket of a random homeless person.

I am here to tell you that giving isn’t about how much or how little you do. It’s not about how often you do it. It’s about giving yourself to as many people as possible (presumably those who deserve it) as much as you can. I really do think the world works in some sort of strange karmic way and although we all make mistakes, we can undo those errors simply by being better humans whenever we get the chance.

Giving doesn’t only mean donating items, time or money. It means giving in every sense of the word. Giving your heart, fully and completely to those you love. Providing value, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear to your friends when they need one. And ultimately, giving everything you are as a human being each day to the world.

The world needs you – it needs your heart, your mind, your soul – every day. It needs you to give yourself to make it a better and more beautiful place.

The world needs you.

Settling is for Wussies

I used to think that there is always something in life that we have to settle for. How many people do you know that stay at a job they hate? Stay in a relationship with someone who is “fine”? Stay in crappy apartments because it’s a process to look for something new?

We all know someone, maybe even ourselves, who is settling for something in their lives. I will be very open and tell you that I used to be that person in almost every aspect.

I went to graduate school primarily to appease my family who thinks a regular college degree is not enough. I had a really stable, safe, boring job where I wanted to blow my brains out every morning going to it, but I also knew I’d never be fired and it was really easy. I had some pretty mediocre friends, the ones who would be awesome at parties but don’t actually care about your wellbeing.. a whole large circle of them. And lastly, I had a relationship with that guy that was really good on paper, except he excited me about as much as watching baseball does (read: not at all.. what a stupid boring sport…but hey.. hot dogs!). And mostly, I was settling on me, I had accepted that I would never achieve exceptional things, that I would never have the dream life for myself, and that I was done growing.

Boy, how silly that was!

I started with making small changes – a diet change, a life style change, exploring and doing new things, meeting new people through a new business pursuit, dropping one “friend” at a time (or sometimes three in a day.. because why not?), ending the relationship, moving out on my own, meeting someone new, falling in love with someone incredible, and then changing my job. The entire journey (which is still not even close to being over) has taught me that I absolutely love growing and changing. I’ve fallen in love with the unknown and fallen in love with being unsettled.

Of course, I’m still finishing graduate school, and honestly, a part of me wishes I hadn’t spent the time doing it. But I also realized that no one ever regrets getting an MBA degree.. so whatever! I’m now extra over-qualified!

But the point of this post wasn’t to tell you to get a graduate degree to make your parents happy. It was to tell you that you can create whatever kind of life you want. No, it won’t happen over night. It took me well over a year to about 40% of the way to what I envision.. and that’s where I am now. But that’s okay, I’ve fallen in love with the process. I try new things and explore new options all the time. I don’t shy away from new experiences the way I used to, instead, I welcome them and see if the new experience can fit into the life I want and the person I want to be. Today, I choose to be happy and cheerful. I’ll probably choose the same tomorrow. But it’s a choice for me. Just like it’s a choice for you. So if you have something in your life that’s maybe just “okay” – whatever that may be – go about changing it! Start now.. like right now.. GO!

 

We’re all a work in progress… be the best damn work in progress you can be!