I’ve been handing out relationship advice for a long time now and recently someone asked me what in the world qualified me to do so. My answer was simple (and brilliant): I’m quite good at learning from my mistakes. But then I really got to think about it and the answer is actually the opposite. I’m really good at learning from my successes.

Instead of focusing on all the things that went wrong in previous relationships and all the things I could learn, all the mistakes I made and etc., I do the exact opposite. I focus on all the good stuff. I focus on the times I smiled the most and the little things that made me the happiest in the past. I think about all the things I’ve done that worked in favor of the relationship and things that made it stronger/better/happier.

You see, I’m not counting successful relationships as those that lasted the longest. Sometimes, the relationships in which you made the most mistakes, the ones that were gut-wrenching and painful were the longest. Probably not a good example of things you want going forward. You probably want to think about when you were the most excited to wake up each day. So even if that relationship lasted a month.. why not learn from it?

One of the most important things I learned is that both parties have to contribute to keeping the “butterflies” in the relationship. Little surprises, sweet gifts, delicious home-cooked meals, naked greetings at the door (you know.. for some) or whatever else will make the other person turn their head… and smile.

I don’t often get personal and specific… okay that’s a lie… I try to be coy but I fail epically. But here goes:

Before I first met my current boyfriend we spoke for like 2 weeks.. on the phone, via text, and lots of selfies were exchanged too. I was SO nervous to meet him. I must have sent pics of my outfit that day to like 8 of my friends to make sure it said “I’m cool and awesome and I woke up likes this!” I was literally shaking when he picked me up and I got in his car. We only had a few hours together that day before I had to catch a flight so I knew it had to go well. Afterwords, I was still shaking. I was so excited that I had met this person and spent a couple hours with him. I felt like I was on top of the world.

Flash forward to over a year later: Before every single weekend I spend with my boyfriend, I feel those exact same butterflies. I get excited to see him, to spend time with him. Every time he kisses me, I get excited, I plan an entire weekend worth of outfits because I never know what we’re going to do and I always want him to be impressed by how I look… even in my leggings and tees… because I work on my butt on the regular. On Monday morning when I’m sitting at the office all I think about is how awesome the weekend was, how many smiles were exchanged and what new and exciting things I can come up with for the next weekend.

But here’s the key… I want HIM to be impressed. All of everything I do and plan and focus on is about trying to surprise him and make him smile. It’s not about me. It’s about us and our relationship and making it better for both of us. Because honestly, what’s better than your man smiling at you?