A Brand New World….

Let’s talk about those times when you re-enter the dating world. I feel like there’s now a series of steps involved that everyone dreads and tries to avoid as much as possible but it’s inevitable – so I say.. RIP THE BAND- AID OFF!

1) You have to do the facebook relationship status change. Oh this is dramatic. You get all the “OH MY GOSH! What happened?!” messages. And then, if you’re a girl, they slowly transition to creepy guys adding you and trying to message you. So.not.cool. But eventually it all cools down & you begin to figure out how to split up the mutual friend circle that you built with your ex which can be a dramatic process unless you have the greatest friends in the world! LIKE ME! (this is a shameless shout out to my amazing friends <3)

2) You have to start putting yourself out there. Now, if you’ve been following my posts then you know that I entertain the world of online dating. This time around, I actually went for the paid sites in an effort to find something more serious- such as http://www.match.com – which is actually quite effective. If you’re serious about finding a partner, I would recommend staying away from the free dating sites – the tinder, okcupid, plenty of fish sites of the world. These sites are geared more for hook-ups and personally, I think I’m just too old for it or maybe Brooklyn has broken me and I’m over the hook-up scene. #maturity.

3) Being with someone else. This has always been the hardest part for me of breaking up. You also have to step out of your comfort zone. You’re used to being with and interacting with a certain person. You’re used to their mannerisms and you’ve learned to pick up on certain cues they give you. You can tell when they’re sad, happy, in need of a hug or in need of being left alone. Now you have to learn all these things about whoever you’ll be seeing next, and chances are (unless you get really lucky) you’ll have to date several people before you find someone where everything just clicks. This brings me to my next point….

4) Don’t ever settle. No matter how long it takes you to find someone, keep going until you find someone where you “click”. I don’t think there’s a time frame on it and I don’t think you need to date 40 people to find the right one, or at least the right one right now. Whether it’s the first, second or thirty-fifth person you date, you should be EXCITED to see them, or hear from them. They should give you that feeling in your belly when you get a message or a phone call from them… and that feeling should never go away. I think the number one killer to a relationship is when you stop dating and stop flirting. You slowly begin to lose interest because the excitement starts going away. I believe in butterflies. I believe you should be so enthralled with the person you’re seeing that you never play games. You should want to see them as much as possible. You should look into their eyes and see nothing but bliss and joy and happiness. You should feel safe in their arms. This to me, is how you know you found someone worth keeping.

I don’t believe in being with someone because you’re used to them or because you rely on them or because you’re too co-dependent to be on your own. I can safely say that I’ve never felt like I’ve needed any man. Somehow this is offensive to some men but maybe I just look at it different. You’re in my life because I WANT you in it. “Needing”, to me, seems like a pathetic choke-hold on a situation. You should never NEED another person because we’re all mortal. Your significant other can get taken away from this planet at any given moment in time so you should always be surrounded in your life by those you WANT in your life who WANT you in theirs.

I think each relationship that ends is a building block and path way to finding what you truly want. Each relationship carries a lesson. I think the next person I choose to call mine will be absolutely incredible and will make me have a smile plastered from ear to ear on my face. I guess I’m just chasing happiness, and I know myself better now so I’m happy with me and that’s always the first step.