Fashion Dont’s

I’m sure this has all been said before, but it’s still out there & I still see it Every.Single.Day. so this will be my one and only fashion post because it really needs to be said again. I’m only covering the basics here so please your common sense and your mirrors. This post is also superficial as all hell. Don’t judge me.. even though I judge all of you.

Women:

DON’T ‘rock’ the muffin top. No really. There’s nothing and I mean NOTHING in this world that is less sexy then a muffin top. If you have love handles – which can be very sexy when used appropriately – buy some high rise jeans.

I literally just threw up in my mouth looking at this. The actual kind of literally – not the way Joe Biden uses it.

DON’T wear jeans (or any pants) that you can’t climb out of.. and can barely climb in to. Seriously, if getting your pants on in the morning has become a mission and you’re considering hiring an assistant just to help you. Please consider the possibility that you MAY be a different size.. or learn to eat less muffins. You’ll regret it later when your zipper breaks in the middle of the day and your neon pink rugrats undies are out there for the world to see. Tiny jeans also contribute to the muffin top look. Please see above if you’re confused.

DON’T wear tops that don’t close properly. I think this is pretty self explanatory, but if you’re a 36DD bra size, then you are absolutely NOT a size X-small – no matter how tiny the rest of you is. (Regretting those boobie implants yet?)

DON’T leave your house in whatever you woke up in… unless you’re going outside to throw out the trash. Seriously girls – a woman can never be over-dressed. But she can ABSOLUTELY and TOTALLY be under dressed. I used to go to school wearing sweats – I wish someone would have smacked me back then. Pajamas, sport shorts, sweat pants (Juicy suits are no longer in) and other variations of home apparel are to be worn at HOME. You should look good, feel good, and attract attention for all the right reasons no matter where you go. Put a little effort in – you never know who you’re going to run into. If he happens to be a sexy, single, and totally fuckable man.. you’ll probably wish you took the time to climb out of your minnie mouse t-shirt.

Men:

DON’T wear a poorly fitted suit. Get it tailored or just don’t bother. The only thing less classy then a man without a suit? A man with a poorly fitted suit.

DON’T wear sandals. and ESPECIALLY DON’T wear sandals and socks. The only time you are allowed to display your feet is at the beach in BEACH flip flops. Period and end of story. No excuses.

DON’T wear Uggs. There’s no explanation necessary for this one.

DON’T wear tank tops. ESPECIALLY if you don’t have the muscles to pull it off. A tank top basically says “I think I have super awesome biceps, triceps, abs, shoulders and back muscle” If you don’t have ALL OF THE ABOVE.. please stick to shirts with sleeves.

The exception to this rule is if you look like this:

I’m going to end this post with the picture above. Eye candy is always appealing.