Fake it ALL

I wonder what it’s like to be a guy who’s been dating a girl for a while (or not since everyone is a slut anyways- sex on the first date?) and you take her home at night and her bra comes off and she has NO BOOBS. Bitch, why are you wearing a D cup? This is why Victoria’s Secret is terrible. Have you touched their bras recently? They’re like pillows. For girls like me, who were naturally gifted with a fair amount of chest fat, it’s really hard to find a good bra. You’re stuck in between having no support and your nipples showing everywhere or having extra cushion that’s completely unnecessary. Fuck Victoria’s Secret.

My favorite though, has to be the girls with the CAKED on make-up. WTF is up with that shit? Who do you think you’re fooling? Do you get up in the morning when sleeping over a guy’s house and creep into the bathroom and put all the make up back on? You need to stop going to MAC every other day – it’s not making you any prettier – in fact, you’re starting to look like a man. I’m pretty sure men realize that girls aren’t born with bright pink cheeks and eyelashes that touch their eyebrows. Make-up is supposed to enhance your natural features – not make you look like the tranny version of Cher. Seriously- PUT THE EYEBROW BRUSH DOWN!

See this is why the dating world is just not fair. Guys don’t wear make up – at least not the guys I like to date.. I don’t know what kind of shit you freaks are into. And there are no such things as “push up underwear” to enhance the size of their manhood. It’s just not right. Plus, unless you’re a hoe, you’re probably sleeping over at the end of your like 7th date and if you wake up next to the guy and he’s scared of what your REAL face looks like – it sucks for him for banking out so much money on all your dates. I can just picture the morning scene:

Girl: “Wow, it’s so lovely to wake up in your arms”

Guy: *stretching* “AHHHH!!!!!!!!!! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!!! GET OUT OF MY BED! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!”

Girls are all sorts of fake.

How about those bitches that order Salad  at every restaurant? If I was a guy I’d be mad. Why would you go to Wolfgang’s and order a garden salad? Did you forget how to chop tomatoes on your own or rip up some lettuce? Who wants to pay $40 for some leaves in a bowl? That’d be a deal breaker for me. It’s  absolutely not okay to throw out money like that. You know what comes next right? She goes home and eats 2 pints of hagen dazs all on her own. Plus, that’s pretty boring. Especially if you’re trying some place new – I like to try as many things as possible. Any guy willing to split up some random dishes with me and try multiple things – he gets bonus points automatically. Even better are the girls that “pre-eat” before a date. Yea, girls actually think guys expect them to not eat as much so they’ll go to like Wendy’s and order enough food for 17 people and eat it and then eat 2 bites of a house salad on their date. Who came up with these things? I’m sorry, I’m a human being – I enjoy food & I don’t give a shit how hot the guy is – if you can’t watch me eat then you need to find yourself a barbie doll to accompany you on dates.

The right guy for you is going to think the sun shines out of your ass regardless of how much cheesecake you stuff into your face.