“Poking” Around

So apparently FaceBook is the end all of proper communication and etiquette. Now, While I admittedly use the site way more than necessary, and in fact linger on it all day even at work, I do not see it as a way to build lasting relationships, meet new people or find people to date. The fact that anyone could is beyond amusing to me. And so begins my Journey into the “Single” World.

If you’ve ever changed your relationship status to “Single” after being in a relationship for 3 years you’d know the pain you encounter when EVERY ONE (& their mother) messages you with the same questions; “What happened?!” and “OMG are you OKAY?!”. Nothing happened.. life is shit and I wasted another 3 years on someone who clearly wasn’t worth my time.. and No I’m not Okay.. I died yet am able to somehow answer your messages?

By the time you hit your early/mid twenties you’ve most likely been through a number of break ups and though you think you know exactly what to expect.. it’s never quite what you expect and it’s never quite as pleasant as you wish it was.

First of all, you have the returning of the stuff. Now my ex happens to be exceptionally special and also returned some of the stuff I BOUGHT HIM during the relationship to me – anyone need size 9.5 men’s shoes?.. I now have a nice collection. This is a good way of reminding me why I should never spend money on anyone but myself. Selfishness is POWER.

Secondly, you have all the messages exchanged “take care, I hope you have a nice life you dumb *profanity* *profanity* *profanity*” .. It only gets messier if you keep the conversation going so you need to end it dead in the tracks before it REALLY starts.

Third, you have the reconnecting with people you may have completely forgotten about or left in the dust amid being a “happy couple”. The number of apologies that are exchanged is just astronomical but it’s nice to know people love to hear you’re not happy anymore and therefore are more than happy to be your friend. Misery loves company.

Then comes the worst of it all… when people (who probably want to get in your pants as quickly as possible) start to contact you in strange and obscure ways that make you question the sanity of the world we live in.

So apparently the people that are interested(?) in me like to use FaceBook. A lot. And still remember that it has the POKE function. As a friend pointed out… Someone still uses that? So as an example let’s call this gentlemen Richard. Because Richard’s nickname would be Dick and that’s what this guy is.

Richard and I exchange some poking back and forth – for weeks. You know you see the alert come up so you hit “poke back” and don’t even think twice about it. Then FINALLY it occurs to him to message me and his message is “So that we’ve been poking back and forth, when are you coming over?”  No greeting, no “how are you”, not even the Brooklyn favorite of “Waddup shawty?!”… nope, none of that. Excuse me? Is this now a legitimate way to WOO someone? You hit a button a couple times a week – this must mean that you’re interested in me and can’t wait to take off all your clothes.

Dear men – quit poking around and learn to treat a woman properly.